Breast is Best.... or Is It?

I read a wonderful article in the Sunday 2/24/19 N Y Times. It was written by a new Dad so definitely a new perspective.
Here are comments that I felt were impactful:

“ We were miserable and, at a certain point, it became clear that the breast milk would not be enough.”

“Our turn to formula, though, ended up being one of those unanticipated twists of parenthood that I look back on with the most gratitude.”

“Those bottle of powder introduced an equality and a peace in our home that seemed impossible in those first hellish weeks.”

“Even more unexpectedly, it gave my relationship with my son a depth that I would have missed out on.”

“Now I was just as capable of feeding him as his mother was. It also meant that, along with understanding the hungry cry, I learned about all the times when he was not actually hungry but needed to burp or a clean diaper or was tired.”

“For a baby who was constantly hungry and tired, the calm that came over him when I finally gave him the bottle and he began to suck and actually feed was a wonderful gift.”

“Having the baby formula meant that my son was no longer always hungry and so he was sleeping longer hours and skipping the late night feeds.”

“Even after the bottle was gone, he looked to me for help and assistance just as much as I has learned to look after him when he was unhappy.”

This article is a testament to the fact that your infant’s needs are what is most important. Their happiness depends upon only 4 needs: hunger, fatigue, burping and clean diapers. Their communication is based on these four needs. Fulfilling these needs leads to calmness and contentment and a happy family. Of course, there will be days when it all seems to fall apart but by using the four needs list, it is possible to get back into the Rhythm.

This story is so inspiring for the dads.   Dads can also bond emotionally with their infants and play a nurturing role in their development. Being closer from the beginning will enhance the relationship as the children grow older.

Let’s not forget that this is also a benefit for the Moms. Having someone there to share the parenting journey will only have positive results and a closer family bond.

Thank you to the formula companies for the constant research and upgrading of your product so children can grow and develop in the best way possible when breast is not Best..

Puzzles? They are one of the best developmental tools!

We have always been drawn to puzzles as an entertaining and developmental tool. We have now reached a level of competence we never expected.

Primarily they support skills building:

-Increased attention span.

-Problem solving.

-Persistence.

-Confidence.

-Goal setting/achievement.

-Coordination.

We have also used them as a teaching tool for early child development:

-Shapes puzzles.

-Number/alphabet puzzles.

-Language building.

In the last several years we found ourselves both catching up to their skills level and our commitment to providing challenges.

It was obvious we needed to invest in larger and more complex puzzles because the children were becoming bored with what was available.

So I began buying 100 piece puzzles (this is for three and four year olds). Initially they immediately decided to begin with two children sitting across from each other at a small table to try and figure out a successful process.

They decided that dividing up the picture in half, it made the most sense and their goal was to finally join the two sections.

In adding a social element to the process they were able to implement an approach that was successful as well as social.

I found myself searching for more challenges and difficult puzzles as they became more skilled.

We are now at 150 piece puzzles and I am amazed at how quickly and successfully they have accomplished every challenge.

Some of the things we discovered by observing and reserving suggestions:

1.       They emptied the content of the box on the table.

2.       Set up a visual to refer to.

3.       Divided the picture in half.

4.       Began the process by matching pieces that they observed would complete each other. Sometimes they had several of these before any of them went together.

5.       They never approached the task by forming the border as is a common approach.

6.       Since we were observing and not interfering we found that this approach was applied all the time and was incredibly successful.

7.       Their creative side was dominating at all times rather than their structured side.

Understanding that these were children who were already successful with less demanding puzzles, it served everyone best by allowing them to arrive at their own solutions.

Fortunately for all involved, this is the approach we use as a developmental strategy and it is always incredibly rewarding for everyone.

Hope this experience can benefit everyone.

Good luck!

The Specific Challenges of Toilet Training

We have had months (one year plus!) in toilet training mode. Our two year olds all decided to train at different times and with different challenges.

Even thought they are all motivated to some degree by the benefits they earn i.e. bigger eating utensils, access to the big slide, lining up with the big kids, becoming part of the “helper” team; they still have their own particular challenges.

This time, one of the children created the particular challenge of having us come up with the solution to doing the bowel movement in the bathtub. Somewhere in the process most children do have that experience, but it is usually by accident, in her case it was deliberate. We decided we had to give her a little help since there was a possibility she was having difficulty, and therefore, some pain, in the process.

So we introduced prunes into her diet. It took three days to have the desired effect of eliminating the pain she was feeling and therefore “holding onto the process”. She has now taken on the task with great pride and a little bragging about her success.

The second challenge was helping one of the boys to feel comfortable sitting farther back on the toilet seat so his urine was not hitting the floor instead of the water. I realize there is a training seat with a cup that can alleviate this problem, however my goal is to train the children so they can be comfortable in any toilet without special equipment.

We had him practice sitting on the seat when he did not need to use it. He gradually became more comfortable and no longer felt that he was going to fall in. He can now go anywhere with his family and not have to be anxious should he require bathroom facilities, instead he is proud! 

Toilet training is one of the last and major challenges in your child’s physical development. You want this experience to have lasting positive results.

We always take particular care that that happens.

This is undoubtedly one of the most satisfying accomplishments when it works well.

Good luck!

What A Success Our Helper Program Has Become!

We expect our children at the daycare to be responsible for their own needs. So when we started the helper program we had no idea how beneficial and rewarding and popular it would be with the children involved.

The program meant that each of the older children (three at the time) would be given assignments that would help the teachers with specific tasks to make more demanding times of the day i.e. lunch/naptime function more smoothly.

During this time, each child proceeded at their own pace and each would be moving at a different time from eating, to washing up, to getting ready for naptime, to diaper changing, to actually getting on their cot and falling asleep.

With everyone going through this process there were a lot of moving parts.

The helpers role was to:

1.Help take of shoes and socks.
2.Get diapers/lotions/skin treatment.
3.Discard diapers (carefully wrapped and safe).
4.Get blankets.
5.Sit beside a child in need of help calming down.
6.Arranging the socks and shoes so they could be easily accessed after nap.
7.Any need that arose throughout the day
     a.Help a child do a puzzle
     b.Clean up
     c.Help put on jackets for outside time.
     d.Help the younger ones with unfamiliar toys.

Each of the helpers had this assignment for a week. It quickly became their favorite time at the daycare!

You may want to apply this task challenge at home. If you are a one child family, your child could take on family tasks. If you are a multi-child family then you may consider following our approach.
Either way, it is an invaluable opportunity to increase your child’s maturity, sense of responsibility, confidence and caring.

In our case, the goal is to increase character building, maturity, responsibility as the rewards. I believe the approach will be most successful if a physical or monetary reward is not involved.

You will be able to enjoy the pride they have in their accomplishments with them!

Good Luck!

Sleep! If your child sleeps in their own bed, do not give in to the temptation of having them share yours!

It is holiday time! Everyone is stressed, overtired, overstimulated, impatient and exhausted!

Does that sound like your life?

If it does and you have chosen to have your child enjoy their own bedroom space, resist the temptation to have them share your bed. Even if they suddenly plead for it or you are past the exhaustion point.

There may be one night when you just cannot deal with their difficulty in settling down and you are considering the option of having them share your bed.

Resist!

You don’t realize it but one night will probably lead to many, and a situation that will negatively affect the whole family.

One night will likely lead to many and now you are trying to undo the damage.

Solutions:
1. Ideally do not allow them to share your bed, not even once.
2. If you already have, then have a discussion with your child during the day, not bedtime, and tell them they are returning to their own space so everyone can have all the rest and privacy they need and deserve.
3. Compliment them on their maturity. Remind them that the original reasons for sharing their parents’ bed no longer exist. They are strong and independent and need to have a good night’s sleep every day.
4. You may need to monitor their return to their own bed by sitting at their bedroom door for a few nights so they know you are serious about them remaining in their bed.
5. You can also place a safe barricade at the door, i.e. a chair, so they can not leave their room.
6. Do not close the door!

You will probably have to continue this practice for a few days to achieve the desired results.
Remember, you decided to have a separate space for your child because you really believe it was the best arrangement for them to be independent, confident, and responsible.
Equally, parents need their privacy and independence to nourish their special relationship together and be the most loving and effective parents they can be. Good luck!

The Fascination And Joy Of Expecting A Child!

For the first time ever we have three families expecting their second child. It is actually rare that we even have one!

The first child has already been born in August. A little girl who already has a big brother. We talked a lot about the challenges of giving this new child all the time they demand and not having the older child feel neglected.

Some of the tips we have offered that particularly are challenging with a second child:

1.       Tell your child what is going to happen and what you expect from them.

2.       If there is a physical change that is necessary such as moving bedrooms or changing to a big, this should occur ideally two months prior to the expected birth. Your first child should this this move as something they have earned on their own because they are a big boy/girl.

3.       Arrange the infant’s clothing and care needs so they can access the items that are appropriate for them to have responsibility for. “Paul could you please get me a diaper for the baby?”

4.       If your older child is in daycare, whenever possible be available for them immediately when they return home.

5.       If the older child is at home, then schedule time that is theirs. Just offer that you will have to put the infant back to bed, fed, usually works.

6.       When that does not happen, select a book or activity that you will do together as soon as you are available.

7.       You may want to give them a title of “helper”. We have a helper program at our day care where the oldest four children rotate on a weekly basis as helpers. We have been amazed at how importantly this work is to them. It will give your older child identity and challenge. Make sure you explain exactly what you want and how to accomplish it.

8.       Invest in a couple of big brother and big sister books. Make sure you agree with the approach that is taken.

9.       Don’t forget that a warm hug or five minutes of uninterrupted attention can go a long way to having a happy big sibling who is not always competing for your attention.

Best of all! Make sure you are getting all the rest you can squeeze out of 24 hours. That will be the key ingredient to being a calm influence in a challenging environment.

Good Luck!

A Life Altering Experience

I have really missed communicating with you. But, three months ago a tragedy occurred in my life. 

One of my sons (the youngest) was diagnosed with stage 3 multiple myeloma. Although he was not feeling well and was experiencing pain in his back, the diagnosis was completely unexpected.

What followed was worse. During hospitalization for a second cancer treatment, his body went into cardiac arrest and he died on August 24^th.

There are no Adequate words to express how devastating this has been. You want to deny it has happened because your pain and grief are overwhelming and reality is intolerable.

Although friends have been overwhelmingly supportive, the most emotional support has come from being with the children in the daycare. The demands of every day, and having to put their needs first help me get through each day. Their love, joy, and curiosity has been a successful distraction for a meaningful part of my day.

I do not need to remind any of you to treasure the time you have with your children. Even those challenging times. I am focusing on the unique bond we had. That will be with me forever.

The children in the daycare are benefiting from all the experiences I had as a parent including those with this son.

Thank you for all the good comments I have received.