Coping Skills Required!

Can your child cope with the challenges of elementary school?

Some examples we have seen recently of lack of coping skills:

1. David (Four and a half) attends a reunion party at our day care and is carried for the first hour because he is “shy”.

2. Beth gets a small sliver in her finger. When it is safely and easily removed by her teacher, she says she cannot play anymore, her finger hurts too much to play and to call her mom to go home.

3. Mariam arrives at daycare with Band-Aids on both arms. When we inquire what could have happened, she says her arms hurt. We find out nothing specific happened, but she wanted to stay home so her dad appeased her with Band-Aids.

4. Jake is four, but still cries if anyone touches him no matter how slightly. We notice when his mom is here and this behavior is displayed, she sympathizes and promises him a treat on the way home.

5. Melinda joined our day care when she was three and a half. Academically, she lacks skills but more importantly, she has no pride of achievement. No matter how little effort she puts into her assignment, or how sloppy the results are, her parents praise her and give her a star. They never share ideas or ways she could use to improve her skills. As a result, she have very little motivation to improve her performance.

One of the most important responsibilities of a parent is to prepare their child to successfully cope with the conditions and expectations they will encounter as they grow and have move experiences outside the home on their own. You want your child to be confident, assertive, challenged and self motivated.

Do

-Give them more responsibilities at home as you are preparing them to be more accountable.

-Pay constant attention to their social skills and follow up immediately with examples and solutions when they did not successfully handle a challenge.

-Always praise them for their effort, and only refer to the results as “Excellent” when they actually are.

-Be open to exposing them to social or educational situations where they will be on their own and not always bringing along a friend. They should be expected to interact without your assistance.

-Become an expert at knowing when they are faking an illness in order to stay at home. If this becomes a habit, investigate what is really happening and resolve that!    

-Make sure they are on a nutritious diet with adequate sleep.

Do not
-Reward them for every accomplishment. This is a maturing process and the achievement should be the reward.

-Compare them to a sibling, a friend, or a classmate. This experience revolves solely around how well THEY handle it.

Remember, you are influencing and preparing them for the road they will travel for the rest of their life!

Good luck!

Never Underestimate The Skill Level or Mental Ability Of Your Child!

Some amazing occurrences at our day care:

1. A three and a half year old rides a two wheeler without training wheel.

2. A fourteen month old gets her own Duplo board and builds more complete projects every day. Her best yet is twenty five pieces.

3. A three year old and a four year old sit across from each other and complete a one hundred piece puzzle, each working on one half of the puzzle and then joining it. Completely their idea! 

4.Two four year olds learn all the parts of the human body; skeletal, respiratory, digestive, and circulatory systems from large colorful posters and are so proud when they can transfer that information to what’s happening to them.

5. A group of four to four and a half year olds painted the globe on a yoga ball (I called on my grandson to outline the countries to scale for them). They were responsible to work from a regular map to find the name and color of each country. The result is hanging proudly in the daycare.

6. A seventeen month old invites himself into the phonics class and now knows the sound for half of the alphabet letters.

When I first opened my daycare I never imagined that a broad group of children from different family experiences could accomplish an infinite list of amazing achievements. I did not screen children, but I did select parents who agreed with my philosophy that children were incredibly intelligent from the day they were born, and when you live that belief, the child never set limits on themselves.

This approach will be much more successful if your child has clearly defined behavioral boundaries and well defined rules that they are expected to follow all the time. You will be giving them more freedom and decision making, which will be more successful when they understand clear behavioral expectations.

We always made sure we had a very stimulating environment, encouraged each child to accomplish challenging goals, and supported interests they had that seemed very advanced. There was often a lot of work involved on everyone’s part. We continually shared that “having to work hard” was a good thing, and we should not believe that accomplishments should be easy.

They Key is:

1. Get to know your child very well. Applaud their accomplishments that come easy and encourage those that require more effort.  

2. Whenever they were setting a goal that jumped too many steps, we identified some interim challenge that they could accomplish along the way.

3. We never say “you can’t” but instead “let’s try it this way first.”

4. Our day care allows for all age groups to be exposed to the same information and challenges. Some toys or programs that we originally designed for four and five year olds are now being accomplished by two a half and three year olds. It never occurs to the younger children that what they are accomplishing is exceptional.

5. Watch and listen for signs of disinterest or visible boredom. They are both red flags that you need to provide your child with more opportunities and challenges.

6. They always have a lot of decision making opportunities and freedom of choice throughout the day. A really important component!

Parents or visitors who bring their child to the daycare a little later in the morning are typically amazed at the energy levels in the rooms, the skilled communication levels, and the responsibility the children having i.e. during free play time, to challenge themselves.

If there is no organized group in your area that provides this environment, apply it to your child alone or with friends who have similar values. You will still have an amazing result!

Contact us if you need help or reassurance, and also tell us about your success and challenges! We would love to hear from you! Info@SmartParentSmartChild.com

Good luck! 

The Life Changing Commitment For 2016!

We have a holiday get together every year at my daycare, and it is always heartwarming and exciting to have so many alumni and their families join us.

This year was especially meaningful since at one moment in the festivities there were six former students who are now in college.

One of my moms brought this to my attention and before I could move to join them, one of them turned and called to me.

They wanted to share part of a conversation they were having. There was consensus that having been in my day care had truly changed their lives. They each wondered where they would be if they had not had this experience.

They agreed that the experience had given them a great deal of confidence that they could achieve whatever they set out to do.

They had all felt loved and respected for who they were, with emphasis on their intelligence. They commented on how respectfully they were treated, the high standards expected of them and the message that they could achieve any goal they set for themselves.

I was truly blown away by their unwavering belief that their current successes came from their early experiences.

I have never started any year with a list of resolutions, but instead, when I believe in a philosophy, I adopt it for life. I think this approach can work for everyone.

For all of you, I hope your experience of reading my blog and possibly also reading my parenting book, has given you the knowledge that the most important gift you can give your child, not just for next year, but for life, is self-confidence, great coping skills, clear boundaries and guidelines, and a belief in their intelligence and ability to accomplish whatever they set out to do!

That is the most important gift you can give them!

I missed talking to you and am delighted to be back!

Happy and healthy 2016!