The Specific Challenges of Toilet Training

We have had months (one year plus!) in toilet training mode. Our two year olds all decided to train at different times and with different challenges.

Even thought they are all motivated to some degree by the benefits they earn i.e. bigger eating utensils, access to the big slide, lining up with the big kids, becoming part of the “helper” team; they still have their own particular challenges.

This time, one of the children created the particular challenge of having us come up with the solution to doing the bowel movement in the bathtub. Somewhere in the process most children do have that experience, but it is usually by accident, in her case it was deliberate. We decided we had to give her a little help since there was a possibility she was having difficulty, and therefore, some pain, in the process.

So we introduced prunes into her diet. It took three days to have the desired effect of eliminating the pain she was feeling and therefore “holding onto the process”. She has now taken on the task with great pride and a little bragging about her success.

The second challenge was helping one of the boys to feel comfortable sitting farther back on the toilet seat so his urine was not hitting the floor instead of the water. I realize there is a training seat with a cup that can alleviate this problem, however my goal is to train the children so they can be comfortable in any toilet without special equipment.

We had him practice sitting on the seat when he did not need to use it. He gradually became more comfortable and no longer felt that he was going to fall in. He can now go anywhere with his family and not have to be anxious should he require bathroom facilities, instead he is proud! 

Toilet training is one of the last and major challenges in your child’s physical development. You want this experience to have lasting positive results.

We always take particular care that that happens.

This is undoubtedly one of the most satisfying accomplishments when it works well.

Good luck!

What A Success Our Helper Program Has Become!

We expect our children at the daycare to be responsible for their own needs. So when we started the helper program we had no idea how beneficial and rewarding and popular it would be with the children involved.

The program meant that each of the older children (three at the time) would be given assignments that would help the teachers with specific tasks to make more demanding times of the day i.e. lunch/naptime function more smoothly.

During this time, each child proceeded at their own pace and each would be moving at a different time from eating, to washing up, to getting ready for naptime, to diaper changing, to actually getting on their cot and falling asleep.

With everyone going through this process there were a lot of moving parts.

The helpers role was to:

1.Help take of shoes and socks.
2.Get diapers/lotions/skin treatment.
3.Discard diapers (carefully wrapped and safe).
4.Get blankets.
5.Sit beside a child in need of help calming down.
6.Arranging the socks and shoes so they could be easily accessed after nap.
7.Any need that arose throughout the day
     a.Help a child do a puzzle
     b.Clean up
     c.Help put on jackets for outside time.
     d.Help the younger ones with unfamiliar toys.

Each of the helpers had this assignment for a week. It quickly became their favorite time at the daycare!

You may want to apply this task challenge at home. If you are a one child family, your child could take on family tasks. If you are a multi-child family then you may consider following our approach.
Either way, it is an invaluable opportunity to increase your child’s maturity, sense of responsibility, confidence and caring.

In our case, the goal is to increase character building, maturity, responsibility as the rewards. I believe the approach will be most successful if a physical or monetary reward is not involved.

You will be able to enjoy the pride they have in their accomplishments with them!

Good Luck!

Sleep! If your child sleeps in their own bed, do not give in to the temptation of having them share yours!

It is holiday time! Everyone is stressed, overtired, overstimulated, impatient and exhausted!

Does that sound like your life?

If it does and you have chosen to have your child enjoy their own bedroom space, resist the temptation to have them share your bed. Even if they suddenly plead for it or you are past the exhaustion point.

There may be one night when you just cannot deal with their difficulty in settling down and you are considering the option of having them share your bed.

Resist!

You don’t realize it but one night will probably lead to many, and a situation that will negatively affect the whole family.

One night will likely lead to many and now you are trying to undo the damage.

Solutions:
1. Ideally do not allow them to share your bed, not even once.
2. If you already have, then have a discussion with your child during the day, not bedtime, and tell them they are returning to their own space so everyone can have all the rest and privacy they need and deserve.
3. Compliment them on their maturity. Remind them that the original reasons for sharing their parents’ bed no longer exist. They are strong and independent and need to have a good night’s sleep every day.
4. You may need to monitor their return to their own bed by sitting at their bedroom door for a few nights so they know you are serious about them remaining in their bed.
5. You can also place a safe barricade at the door, i.e. a chair, so they can not leave their room.
6. Do not close the door!

You will probably have to continue this practice for a few days to achieve the desired results.
Remember, you decided to have a separate space for your child because you really believe it was the best arrangement for them to be independent, confident, and responsible.
Equally, parents need their privacy and independence to nourish their special relationship together and be the most loving and effective parents they can be. Good luck!

The Fascination And Joy Of Expecting A Child!

For the first time ever we have three families expecting their second child. It is actually rare that we even have one!

The first child has already been born in August. A little girl who already has a big brother. We talked a lot about the challenges of giving this new child all the time they demand and not having the older child feel neglected.

Some of the tips we have offered that particularly are challenging with a second child:

1.       Tell your child what is going to happen and what you expect from them.

2.       If there is a physical change that is necessary such as moving bedrooms or changing to a big, this should occur ideally two months prior to the expected birth. Your first child should this this move as something they have earned on their own because they are a big boy/girl.

3.       Arrange the infant’s clothing and care needs so they can access the items that are appropriate for them to have responsibility for. “Paul could you please get me a diaper for the baby?”

4.       If your older child is in daycare, whenever possible be available for them immediately when they return home.

5.       If the older child is at home, then schedule time that is theirs. Just offer that you will have to put the infant back to bed, fed, usually works.

6.       When that does not happen, select a book or activity that you will do together as soon as you are available.

7.       You may want to give them a title of “helper”. We have a helper program at our day care where the oldest four children rotate on a weekly basis as helpers. We have been amazed at how importantly this work is to them. It will give your older child identity and challenge. Make sure you explain exactly what you want and how to accomplish it.

8.       Invest in a couple of big brother and big sister books. Make sure you agree with the approach that is taken.

9.       Don’t forget that a warm hug or five minutes of uninterrupted attention can go a long way to having a happy big sibling who is not always competing for your attention.

Best of all! Make sure you are getting all the rest you can squeeze out of 24 hours. That will be the key ingredient to being a calm influence in a challenging environment.

Good Luck!

A Life Altering Experience

I have really missed communicating with you. But, three months ago a tragedy occurred in my life. 

One of my sons (the youngest) was diagnosed with stage 3 multiple myeloma. Although he was not feeling well and was experiencing pain in his back, the diagnosis was completely unexpected.

What followed was worse. During hospitalization for a second cancer treatment, his body went into cardiac arrest and he died on August 24^th.

There are no Adequate words to express how devastating this has been. You want to deny it has happened because your pain and grief are overwhelming and reality is intolerable.

Although friends have been overwhelmingly supportive, the most emotional support has come from being with the children in the daycare. The demands of every day, and having to put their needs first help me get through each day. Their love, joy, and curiosity has been a successful distraction for a meaningful part of my day.

I do not need to remind any of you to treasure the time you have with your children. Even those challenging times. I am focusing on the unique bond we had. That will be with me forever.

The children in the daycare are benefiting from all the experiences I had as a parent including those with this son.

Thank you for all the good comments I have received.

Celebrating Graduation!

Graduation is always bittersweet! We are celebrating the success of those children who are now ready to move on to kindergarten. They will face the challenges of embracing a large group of new friends with the ability and skill to absorb expanded areas of information and a social world that is broader than their current experiences.

It is rare, but this year we have only one graduate. He exemplifies everything that is critical in terms of the skills and personal maturity level that will ensure he transitions and is successful in kindergarten.

He has become a leader, confident in his ability to accomplish challenging tasks. He has increased his concentration and focus, and frequently displayed a level of maturity we have not seen. He is a skilled soccer player and yet yesterday, he lovingly played one on one with a twenty month old child, adapting his approach to her level and allowing her to succeed.

His personal challenge is still to better control his physical reaction to competition. He often overacts. He is conscious of it and we have seen some improvement.

Every year we find it difficult to have our older children leave. But it is heartwarming and rewarding that they are ready for the bigger challenges they will face.

I firmly believe that a family daycare is the most advantageous for the first five years. Each child is living with eleven other children that they will be required to get to know and develop the skills to get along with. Children are drawn to each other by interest and will be interacting with others who may have more or less knowledge than they do at any time. They may be a partner, teacher, student, and best of all, leader.

They know it will be a lot of work going forward but they have climbed that mountain many times and display the confidence and perseverance to reach the top.

We will miss his everyday energy, contributions and accomplishments!

Good luck!

Performance Limits? What Can Occur When They Are Not Set!

We are always committed that a teacher is present for a child who has indicated they are ready to try a physical or mental task that seems beyond expectation.

Usually there has already been a request or some indication that they are challenging themselves to a level that we have not seen. The request has been expressed more than once so we know the child has seriously considered it.

Here are some of the performances we have seen.
1.A twenty two month swinging themselves on a big swing.
2.The same child riding a two wheel bike (with training wheels).
3.A twenty month old building a balanced duplo structure that he created with rooms/stairways, doors and amazingly detailed and practical.
4.A two and a half year old completing a seventy five piece puzzle.
5.A two year old who takes her older, bigger friend on a  tandem bike ride.
6.A three year old who knows all the body parts in detail for every area of the human body.

Because we know that all children are intelligent from the minute they are born, we also know that at any time they will express their interests and strengths to a performance level we have never expected or thought possible.

Part of this result could be because we never say “you can’t”. Instead we say “why don’t you try this first”. This approach support their effort when their plan does not seem achievable, but allows them to pursue the more difficult task. We are committed to remaining totally supportive.

I can’t remember one incident when, under the above conditions, each child di not achieve their goal.
You will be amazed at the diversity and advancement of your child’s development when they are treated and respected as intelligent human beings. Do not underestimate them and support them.

Good luck! Enjoy!