When Giving Your Child A Directive, Keep It Short and Clear. Repeat It Exactly The Same While You Are Demonstrating The Actual Action Or Process

Daryl joined us when he was thirteen months old. The update information we received from his mom, Patricia, was not unlike what we typically hear.

He cried a lot i.e when he woke up, when they changed his diaper, when he was hungry, when she did not respond instantly to his needs ect.

The first few days he was with us, we observed the same behavior.

-When he was dropped off at day care, when he woke ect. 

-On his second day, he established something of a record by crying for forty minutes (with screaming thrown in.)

-When we changed his diaper.

-As soon as he saw his mom at pickup time.

These were the major areas. At the same time we also observed significant positives:

-He was very independent and curious.

-He mostly entertained himself.

-He spent a lot of time where toys and building challenges were available.

As with any new child, we focused on his particular needs. Even thought he was not yet verbal (that we could understand), you could get a clear message from him on how he felt.

1.       The first success was nap wake up time. We repeatedly told him he had to wake up and talk (no crying) and we would help him. We did ensure we were visible to him so he would feel secure.

2.       The second was diaper changing. He could not have toys because we needed his help. He had to cooperate with appropriate body movements as we talked him through the process.

3.       Drop off time with him fit our solution pattern. We enjoy quite an interesting and challenging entry: a flight of stairs up to a veranda, an assortment of flowers and furniture to observe and interact with along the veranda and then a section of down stairs to the daycare. We suggested his mom drop him at the top of the first stairway, let him navigate and connect with the flowers and furniture along the way and then teach him to walk down the second flight.

Does this take a little longer? Yes. But it allows Daryl to physically leave him mom’s arms before having to actually enter the day care. This approach always works in two to three days. You can apply this approach to whatever your entry situation is.

4.       At several moments during afternoon play and reading time, we reminded him that he was going to greet his mom with a kiss and a hug when she arrived. There would be no crying, he was going him with her so there was no reason to cry.

Overall, within two and a half weeks we had a laughing, happy child enjoying his new experiences at day care.

His mom was so impressed. She was delighted to have us coach her through the steps and language we had used so she could enjoy him so much more at home.

It took her a little longer but she became a believer that Daryl understood her requests and was more than happy to comply.

Three months later we were all enjoying him and we can’t remember what he sounds like when he cries because he talks so much.

The best thing about this story is that everyone can get the same result.

Be consistent and confident!

Good luck!!