What do I do when my son is being extremely physical in expressing his feelings for a girl at his Daycare?

A question from a reader:

“What do I do when my son is being extremely physical in expressing his feelings for a girl at his Daycare? He can’t seem to stop hugging her, holding her hand, telling her he loves her and generally wanting to be near her all the time.”

Through the years, we have had many children who had very strong feelings and physical attachments to other children. Most of the time, it was a situation where girls would talk of marrying one of the boys (often two or three girls with the same boy).

We have also had situations that were more intense. One that comes to mind was a two year old boy who would immediately seek out a younger girl when he arrived at daycare, give her a warm hug, and then generally choose to be near her or be helpful to her. They were often referred to by other parents as behaving like an old married couple.

Coincidentally, very recently, we had a relationship between a 4 and ½ year old boy and a 3 and ½ year old girl that suddenly escalated from great playmates to inseparable friends and then to intense physical interaction and a desire to be isolated. 

At that point I took them aside and the following conversation occurred.

Me: I realize you really care about each other, I see you hugging, holding hands, sharing verbal endearments and wanting to be alone. I am glad you enjoy each other, but you have to be older to express yourselves in such a strong manner.

The boy: Can we do it when I am twenty?

Me: Of course you can.

The boy: When we get married?

Me: Absolutely!

They instantly moved forward to a relationship that was similar to the way they were before.
What was important?

-Their feelings were acknowledged and validated.

-They were not reprimanded in any way.

-They were given a positive message that strong emotional attachment at any age is valid.

Do Not

-Label their behavior as bad, wrong, unacceptable or not allowed.

-Punish them.

-Try and keep them separated.

Respect, a clear positive directive, and support for who they are will always give positive results.

Good Luck!