Several weeks ago I shared the experience we were having with Peter who join our daycare as an assertive biter.
Since one of my commitments to my families is an assurance that their child will be safe in my care, there obviously was an urgent need to be able to achieve that result.
Even though I have two assistance, it was really a challenge to be 100% successful at preventing him from biting one of his playmates. Because of his impulsive nature, he was sometimes successful.
The only solution I was offered was to bit him back. This was not an option for me so I wracked my brain to determine if there was an alternative approach that would be successful.
I am not yet ready to declare victory, but it appears that my one child experiment seems to be working.
Understanding that some other factors were also involved:
1. The parents spending more quality time with him.
2. Assuring he was getting adequate sleep.
3. Carefully monitoring any circumstances that could trigger him- another child having his favorite toy etc.
4. Remembering to give him his teething remedy.
I have decided to continue this approach for at least another month before I feel more confident that he has advanced to a verbal communication when he wants something he does not have.
Friday, May 17, 2019
Friday, April 26, 2019
The Impact Our Book Smart Parent/Smart Child Can Have On A Family!
Many of you may not realize that my daughter and I have written a parents book which is an extension of our day care’s mission statement:
“We believe that all children are incredibly intelligent from the moment they are born. When a child is respected, understood, and care for by loving, highly skilled communicators with relationship and development related expertise, it is amazing what a child can accomplish. In fact, each child will achieve their maximum potential.”
We wrote the book when we realized that if the children in our care were actually going to reach their maximum potential, we had to educate the parents so that results would be more likely to occur.
I want to share an unsolicited endorsement from one family that expressed what we have heard from hundreds of parents. However, this family has expressed it all in one statement when they were communicating about their child joining our daycare.
“We have read your book cover to cover. The book is highlighted and dog eared and is already a beloved and worn in household staple. We believe that it is the only childcare book that we will ever need. We have found its direct approach accessible to understand, apply and integrate. From the moment Silas was born, it was clear to us that he was an intelligent individual. He learns so quickly and picks up on everything around him. We have brought greater awareness to how we speak and use language to communicate with him since reading your book. We want to maximize his potential to the greatest of our abilities.”
It is so rewarding every time we get constructive feedback from families and realize we have had some impact on the family in a positive way.
The book is available on amazon and hopefully will make your challenges as a parent gain more positive results.
Good luck!
“We believe that all children are incredibly intelligent from the moment they are born. When a child is respected, understood, and care for by loving, highly skilled communicators with relationship and development related expertise, it is amazing what a child can accomplish. In fact, each child will achieve their maximum potential.”
We wrote the book when we realized that if the children in our care were actually going to reach their maximum potential, we had to educate the parents so that results would be more likely to occur.
I want to share an unsolicited endorsement from one family that expressed what we have heard from hundreds of parents. However, this family has expressed it all in one statement when they were communicating about their child joining our daycare.
“We have read your book cover to cover. The book is highlighted and dog eared and is already a beloved and worn in household staple. We believe that it is the only childcare book that we will ever need. We have found its direct approach accessible to understand, apply and integrate. From the moment Silas was born, it was clear to us that he was an intelligent individual. He learns so quickly and picks up on everything around him. We have brought greater awareness to how we speak and use language to communicate with him since reading your book. We want to maximize his potential to the greatest of our abilities.”
It is so rewarding every time we get constructive feedback from families and realize we have had some impact on the family in a positive way.
The book is available on amazon and hopefully will make your challenges as a parent gain more positive results.
Good luck!
Monday, April 22, 2019
Biting! How to stop the habit without resorting to a punishment!
Peter joined our daycare when he was seventeen months old. His parents had relocated and were transferring him from his current daycare.
We were unaware that he had a history of biting and were shocked when he bit a twenty month old child at our facility.
Even though I have been a care giver for twenty four years I have only had two other children who were biters. Ironically it was the only behavior I have been unsuccessful in correcting.
Both of these previous children were diagnosed with serious behavior issues and transferred to a special needs daycare.
In Peter’s case, his situation did not appear to be as serious as theirs were. So when the parents agreed to get professional help, as a family, I agreed to support that choice and work with them.
The parents have made major changes in their parenting style and we have seen a measurable, positive change in Peter’s behavior.
However it seems that peter concluded along the way that biting sometimes worked in his favor. Prior to our intervention, he was getting what he wanted in many cases, so we were still not really getting the resulted we needed.
It seemed his biting was becoming his weapon of choice when he desired a toy someone else had. Truthfully this was not happening that often, but once was too much.
I feel there must be some approach we can take to put an end to this.
The only suggestion that we heard was to “bite him back”. I was already aware of this approach and for me it was not an option. I am totally against physical violence of any kind.
I would love to hear from any of you who have been successful in stopping this habit in a more compassionate way. I am particularly curious of whether anyone from a different culture may have had a successful experience they could share. I would really love to hear from you!
Peter seems to take this aggressive action mostly when he is tired. However, he is very impulsive. We have made a huge commitment to resolve this issue and can only be satisfied with 100% success. We must be confident he will not have an option to hurt any other child.
I am excited to hear from you, thanks for your help!
Monday, April 8, 2019
The Surprise (Even For Us) Of The Results And Benefits Of Expanding Responsibilities
In our world, the time of day that includes lunch and nap is the most demanding and possibly hectic. This is primarily because children are allowed to leave the table, take care of their bathroom needs and some cleaning up, get on their floor cot and sleep. This is all accomplished on an individual basis.
About one year ago, one of my assistants came up with the idea of assigning a “helper” role to each of the older children, this involved three of them.
Their responsibilities were: to get diapers, place blankets at the end of the color cots, assist with diaper changing, socks and shoe removal. They also, as needed, sat with younger children so they would feel safe and remain on the floor cots. They were clearly providing a secure, calming effect.
This plan quickly expanded to being a “helper” throughout the day. Helping the teachers with materials, reading to the younger children, reviewing early learning with them etc.
We were exceptionally pleased with their performance and also noted that the week that each child is a “helper” became their favorite. Not only did they talk about when their turn was coming up, but it became their favorite time. We saw them grow in terms of their self-confidence, empathy, patience and caring.
This is a perfect approach that you can translate to your home. If you don’t already expect your child to be responsible for many of their personal tasks, please do so. If you already d, then maybe you can expand on that and include some family tasks especially if they have siblings.
You will be pleasantly surprised at the level of responsibility they will achieve. Occasionally we found some of the responsibilities they wanted to take on not practical, but we did our best to arrive at some compromise or alternative i.e. they could not be a classroom teacher but they could independently review some work with an individual child.
The more you can involve your child is your family tasks the better they will feel about themselves. Be consistent! Also be patient, give them time to achieve your standards, it will be worth it.
Their achievement is their reward. I do not feel this plan should have a tangible reward such as a gift of some kind.
Good luck!
About one year ago, one of my assistants came up with the idea of assigning a “helper” role to each of the older children, this involved three of them.
Their responsibilities were: to get diapers, place blankets at the end of the color cots, assist with diaper changing, socks and shoe removal. They also, as needed, sat with younger children so they would feel safe and remain on the floor cots. They were clearly providing a secure, calming effect.
This plan quickly expanded to being a “helper” throughout the day. Helping the teachers with materials, reading to the younger children, reviewing early learning with them etc.
We were exceptionally pleased with their performance and also noted that the week that each child is a “helper” became their favorite. Not only did they talk about when their turn was coming up, but it became their favorite time. We saw them grow in terms of their self-confidence, empathy, patience and caring.
This is a perfect approach that you can translate to your home. If you don’t already expect your child to be responsible for many of their personal tasks, please do so. If you already d, then maybe you can expand on that and include some family tasks especially if they have siblings.
You will be pleasantly surprised at the level of responsibility they will achieve. Occasionally we found some of the responsibilities they wanted to take on not practical, but we did our best to arrive at some compromise or alternative i.e. they could not be a classroom teacher but they could independently review some work with an individual child.
The more you can involve your child is your family tasks the better they will feel about themselves. Be consistent! Also be patient, give them time to achieve your standards, it will be worth it.
Their achievement is their reward. I do not feel this plan should have a tangible reward such as a gift of some kind.
Good luck!
Wednesday, March 27, 2019
The Joy, Reward, And Surprise When You Really Treat A Child As An Intelligent Human Being!
How is it possible that after all these years of caring for hundreds of children , I am still unexpectedly surprised at their accomplishments.
Right now we have four children under the age of two who are both blowing my mind, measurably altering my expectation and generally totally fascinating me.
Some of my recent experiences:
1. A puzzle that I used to think of as hard is being completed by children eighteen to twenty months old.
2. Everyone is responsible for taking off their shoes and socks and place them in a corner prior to nap. Then they must spell their name which is in upper case letters on the end of their floor cot. They also take their blanket at the end of the nap, place it in the basket and bring their socks and shoes to us for some help in putting them on. This is followed by a trip to the bathroom to get their hairbrush and have us help them be ready for playtime. These tasks now involve a sixteen month old child who joined us three weeks ago.
3. They are all independently responsible for entertaining themselves during open playtime; we have taken the responsibility of teaching them play skills. Our role becomes as a moderator once they have mastered independent and group skills: they choose to play by themselves, with a friend or in a group and are expected to communicate their needs.
4. They have access to all the toys i.e. get puzzles and return them when completed, gather small toys to play with, cook food in the kitchen set, play musical instruments, or with the barn and farm animals. It is rare that we have to interfere, but if that happens they are given the language, if necessary, to resolve problems. They also participate in performances which includes play a xylophone and singing, the whole group joins in the signing with them.
5. They all know their basics, i.e. letters, numbers, colors, shapes, and may sit in on older children’s classes if they are attentive.
6. They are also expected to follow the rule which are based in respecting each other. “You don’t grab a toy because it is not yours”, “You don’t hit because it hurts”.
7. When they break any rules they are told to go to the door and think about what they have done, which is usually 2 to 3 minutes. We then have a conversation with them reminding them of the importance of both caring and respecting their friends.
Not only does our approach create an exciting and rewarding environment for everyone, but it practically eliminates the possibility of what is referred to as the “terrible twos”.
I believe the terrible twos occur because a child was allowed total freedom to do whatever they wanted. There typically were no rules or they were not enforced. Most parents do not believe the child could understand and follow rules at a young age. Then when they turn two and can typically both communicate more effectively, both physically and verbally, they resent or do not understand why they are now being corrected and may be reprimanded for behavior they were always allowed to do.
Understandably, they will resist the corrections and possibly be very angry because of it.
We have never had that experience, most of our children have joined us at a very young age and therefore had a more respectful and educational experience.
As I have written many times before, once you understand that your child is intelligent from the beginning, it will change everything.
Your joy, surprise, and rewards will be amazing!
Good luck!
Right now we have four children under the age of two who are both blowing my mind, measurably altering my expectation and generally totally fascinating me.
Some of my recent experiences:
1. A puzzle that I used to think of as hard is being completed by children eighteen to twenty months old.
2. Everyone is responsible for taking off their shoes and socks and place them in a corner prior to nap. Then they must spell their name which is in upper case letters on the end of their floor cot. They also take their blanket at the end of the nap, place it in the basket and bring their socks and shoes to us for some help in putting them on. This is followed by a trip to the bathroom to get their hairbrush and have us help them be ready for playtime. These tasks now involve a sixteen month old child who joined us three weeks ago.
3. They are all independently responsible for entertaining themselves during open playtime; we have taken the responsibility of teaching them play skills. Our role becomes as a moderator once they have mastered independent and group skills: they choose to play by themselves, with a friend or in a group and are expected to communicate their needs.
4. They have access to all the toys i.e. get puzzles and return them when completed, gather small toys to play with, cook food in the kitchen set, play musical instruments, or with the barn and farm animals. It is rare that we have to interfere, but if that happens they are given the language, if necessary, to resolve problems. They also participate in performances which includes play a xylophone and singing, the whole group joins in the signing with them.
5. They all know their basics, i.e. letters, numbers, colors, shapes, and may sit in on older children’s classes if they are attentive.
6. They are also expected to follow the rule which are based in respecting each other. “You don’t grab a toy because it is not yours”, “You don’t hit because it hurts”.
7. When they break any rules they are told to go to the door and think about what they have done, which is usually 2 to 3 minutes. We then have a conversation with them reminding them of the importance of both caring and respecting their friends.
Not only does our approach create an exciting and rewarding environment for everyone, but it practically eliminates the possibility of what is referred to as the “terrible twos”.
I believe the terrible twos occur because a child was allowed total freedom to do whatever they wanted. There typically were no rules or they were not enforced. Most parents do not believe the child could understand and follow rules at a young age. Then when they turn two and can typically both communicate more effectively, both physically and verbally, they resent or do not understand why they are now being corrected and may be reprimanded for behavior they were always allowed to do.
Understandably, they will resist the corrections and possibly be very angry because of it.
We have never had that experience, most of our children have joined us at a very young age and therefore had a more respectful and educational experience.
As I have written many times before, once you understand that your child is intelligent from the beginning, it will change everything.
Your joy, surprise, and rewards will be amazing!
Good luck!
Thursday, March 21, 2019
Bonding With Your Infant As A Newborn Is Critical To Their Development!
Over the years we have frequently had parents who did not understand the importance of verbally and emotionally connecting with their newborn from the minute they are born.
As many of you know, this is the key message in our parenting book Smart Parent/Smart Child.
The media has also been promoting this fact including the first five campaign in California which has reflected the exact language from our publication.
So it is almost impossible for us to acknowledge that we are still seeing parents who are still disconnected from their infant as an intelligent human being. In these instances, their infant’s needs are solely limited to nutritional and physical care, leaving their emotional and interactive development completely ignored.
By the time they join our daycare, usually following their first birthday, it is alarming to observe the impact on their behavior. They are either angry and aggressive or completely withdrawn from physical interaction.
We have had years of experience and interaction to support these conclusions. These behaviors are primarily displayed toward the mother and other children.
We have seen a long term level of success in helping these parents and children create a strong emotional bond. However, it is no longer as natural and successful until well into their second year and in fact, in several faces, behavioral issues remained throughout their time with us.
For all the parents who have a young child or are expecting their first born, please educate yourself so can provide the best possible experience for you, your partner and your child.
This is the most important thing you can do as a parent.
Good luck!
As many of you know, this is the key message in our parenting book Smart Parent/Smart Child.
The media has also been promoting this fact including the first five campaign in California which has reflected the exact language from our publication.
So it is almost impossible for us to acknowledge that we are still seeing parents who are still disconnected from their infant as an intelligent human being. In these instances, their infant’s needs are solely limited to nutritional and physical care, leaving their emotional and interactive development completely ignored.
By the time they join our daycare, usually following their first birthday, it is alarming to observe the impact on their behavior. They are either angry and aggressive or completely withdrawn from physical interaction.
We have had years of experience and interaction to support these conclusions. These behaviors are primarily displayed toward the mother and other children.
We have seen a long term level of success in helping these parents and children create a strong emotional bond. However, it is no longer as natural and successful until well into their second year and in fact, in several faces, behavioral issues remained throughout their time with us.
For all the parents who have a young child or are expecting their first born, please educate yourself so can provide the best possible experience for you, your partner and your child.
This is the most important thing you can do as a parent.
Good luck!
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
How we created a successful lunch strategy that supported healthy eating habits
We knew from the beginning that our goals would be a combination of healthy foods in a socially interactive educational environment. We wanted the children to be excited and included in the process.
It took us a few years to arrive at that result and we have maintained the basic formula while periodically making minor changes.
Our Plan
1.Provide food that is tasty, visually appealing, well balanced, and manageable by even a one year old.
2.Provide the same daily menu each week so everyone knows what to expect and is looking forward to it.
3.There are always two vegetables and a mixed bean offering at the beginning of every meal. Those are the only items on each plate when lunch begins.
4.When these are eating, each child requests the protein for the day.
5.Next are the carbs. This is always some form of pasta or rice.
6.Finally, there is an offering of cut fruit.
All of the portions served would be comparable to an adult serving.
What creates such positive energy is that they have to verbally interact throughout the meal by having to request the next item. This is often accompanied by positive comments and some competition which encourages involvement. It is rare that there is a negative comment and when that does happen, it is often responded to by another child. We also make sure we are always listening and consider those comments.
A sample menu is:
1.Edamame beans with broccoli.
2.Black and pinto beans in balsamic dressing.
3.Chicken dog.
4.Penne pasta with garlic salt.
5.Cut pear.
Because they are constantly communicating, it creates an active social environment. This constantly dialogue is motivational, especially when a child is new to the process.
Note: If we want to introduce a new item, it becomes an add on. Its success or not determines if it becomes a regular.
Good luck!
I hope you can enjoy the reward we experience every day!
It took us a few years to arrive at that result and we have maintained the basic formula while periodically making minor changes.
Our Plan
1.Provide food that is tasty, visually appealing, well balanced, and manageable by even a one year old.
2.Provide the same daily menu each week so everyone knows what to expect and is looking forward to it.
3.There are always two vegetables and a mixed bean offering at the beginning of every meal. Those are the only items on each plate when lunch begins.
4.When these are eating, each child requests the protein for the day.
5.Next are the carbs. This is always some form of pasta or rice.
6.Finally, there is an offering of cut fruit.
All of the portions served would be comparable to an adult serving.
What creates such positive energy is that they have to verbally interact throughout the meal by having to request the next item. This is often accompanied by positive comments and some competition which encourages involvement. It is rare that there is a negative comment and when that does happen, it is often responded to by another child. We also make sure we are always listening and consider those comments.
A sample menu is:
1.Edamame beans with broccoli.
2.Black and pinto beans in balsamic dressing.
3.Chicken dog.
4.Penne pasta with garlic salt.
5.Cut pear.
Because they are constantly communicating, it creates an active social environment. This constantly dialogue is motivational, especially when a child is new to the process.
Note: If we want to introduce a new item, it becomes an add on. Its success or not determines if it becomes a regular.
Good luck!
I hope you can enjoy the reward we experience every day!
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