One of our moms arrives at daycare with a large basket of
toys that her family no longer uses, many of them are parts of large groups
that no longer make sense to keep. They are not only in great condition and
really good quality, but remarkably, are compatible with the activities we
already have. I.E novelty pieces for a
wood train system, beautiful creatures for our whale collection ect.
The largest group is a collection of metal cars that get
everyone’s attention. Jonah, a two year old, is immediately drawn to two items,
a white care and a blue car, that he successfully reaches for and grasps
tightly in his hands.
Throughout the day he finds ways to include them in his play
activity. We notice that on each occasion during the day, when he has to return
them to the car drawer, he is reluctant to do so. He slowly follows through
when we remind him he will be able to play with them at the next play period.
Now, it is the end of the day and his mom, Sylvia, has
arrived to take him home and she reminds him to put the cars away so they can
leave. Jonah runs to the exit door, clutching the cars and tries to open it to
leave. He is refusing to listen to his mom and return the cars. This is
surprising since we have relied on his listening skills on all occasions and
they have been consistently great! The situation quickly escalates and he is crying.
I notice that Sylvia is getting frustrated and embarrassed and makes a gesture to
take them from him.
Normally we do not interfere between a parent and a child.
Jonah has been a really good listener and his mom and dad have both shown a
commitment to be responsible parents. However, this appears to be a teaching
moment for both Sylvia and Jonah.
Jonah is asked to go to the door (our calm down location)
until he stops crying and we can communicate with him. I share with Sylvia that
when Jonah challenges her requests, she needs to stay calm, on message, and not
lose sight of her goal.
Fortunately he is not defying me and she is able to witness
how important it is to stick to the specific request that he return the cars before
leaving the day care.
After five minutes of both allowing Jonah time to evaluate
the request and decide whether he wants to comply, he finally takes a positive
action and returns the cars to the drawer.
We thank him for being such a good listener and remind him
he will be able to play with them again when he returns to daycare the
following day. We have been rewarded every day since this incident when Jonah
carefully returns the cars to the drawer, often without being reminded.
Do Not
1. Expect that teaching your child to listen will be a one-time
lesson. This is a work in progresses and will require periodic updates.
2. Give up, get frustrated, be embarrassed since you may be in
a public place.
3. Ever tell your child you will leave without them! This would
cross a line threatening your child with abandonment.
Do
1. Thank your child for being such a good listener and
following your directives.
2. Believe you are doing the right thing for your child. You
will need this relationship for the rest of your parenting life.
3. Understand that there will be occasions when your child’s
need will be greater than their desire to please you.
Good luck!
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