Two Parents With High Demand Careers, What To Do?

We received a challenging question, “I’ve been offered a major promotion that will be very time demanding. My husband is already in a high powered position that includes long hours and frequent travel. What should I do?”

Many of our parents have been in this same position and arrived at different decisions.

Those who turned down the offer, both moms and dads, felt strongly that their family would be negatively impacted if both parents were in a position of spending less time with their children. This was even when they had a full time nanny that was highly skilled and very dedicated to their children.

These families were already in situations where one parent was not available for nightly dinner and bedtime and often away for important invents such as birthdays, school activities, family gatherings and important milestones. They found it challenging to compensate for these losses and chose not to increase and emphasize the situation.

From our perspective, we observed that the children who had both parents absent from typical family share time, i.e. dinner, bedtime, trips to museums, parks, playdates and sports events, often made statements such as “I’m not important”  and “Daddy and mommy are always busy”. They were often taken to birthday parties and playdates by another child’s parent and usually commented on that fact.

They also had a higher rate of fabricating illness to get attention, or relied on teachers and friends’ parents for attention. We also had several children express their feelings in anger towards their friends instead of their parent; which they usually expressed physically.

We are very aware that a parent’s basic responsibility is to support their children and be in a position to give them the best education while living in a desirable community. They also fear that if they turn down an opportunity there may not be another one anytime soon.

Fortunately our culture is more supportive of the family unit than it has ever been and most bosses will support the decision a parent will make to remain accessible to their family.

It is a big decision! Do you favor your time with you child or your personal success that may have a negative impact on your role as a parent?

We believe that especially during the first five years, which are so important in terms of the experiences of a child that build confidence, leadership, values, boundaries, security and love, that at least one parent has the responsibility to be present for them.

Good luck with such a huge decision!