Every parent we have ever met wants to have a smart child and be a smart parent. Raising a child is the most important responsibility anyone will ever have and can provide the most pleasure and reward.
SMART PARENT/SMART CHILD is the revolutionary philosophy that all children are incredibly intelligent from the moment they are born. When parents have learned understanding, respect, highly developed communication and relationship skills and development related expertise, it is amazing what a child can accomplish and, in fact, each child will achieve his maximum potential.
Sunday, June 17, 2018
Monday, June 4, 2018
What do I do when my son is being extremely physical in expressing his feelings for a girl at his Daycare?
“What do I do when my son is being extremely physical in expressing his feelings for a girl at his Daycare? He can’t seem to stop hugging her, holding her hand, telling her he loves her and generally wanting to be near her all the time.”
Through the years, we have had many children who had very strong feelings and physical attachments to other children. Most of the time, it was a situation where girls would talk of marrying one of the boys (often two or three girls with the same boy).
We have also had situations that were more intense. One that comes to mind was a two year old boy who would immediately seek out a younger girl when he arrived at daycare, give her a warm hug, and then generally choose to be near her or be helpful to her. They were often referred to by other parents as behaving like an old married couple.
Coincidentally, very recently, we had a relationship between a 4 and ½ year old boy and a 3 and ½ year old girl that suddenly escalated from great playmates to inseparable friends and then to intense physical interaction and a desire to be isolated.
At that point I took them aside and the following conversation occurred.
Me: I realize you really care about each other, I see you hugging, holding hands, sharing verbal endearments and wanting to be alone. I am glad you enjoy each other, but you have to be older to express yourselves in such a strong manner.
The boy: Can we do it when I am twenty?
Me: Of course you can.
The boy: When we get married?
They instantly moved forward to a relationship that was similar to the way they were before.
What was important?
-Their feelings were acknowledged and validated.
-They were not reprimanded in any way.
-They were given a positive message that strong emotional attachment at any age is valid.
-Label their behavior as bad, wrong, unacceptable or not allowed.
-Try and keep them separated.
Respect, a clear positive directive, and support for who they are will always give positive results.
Friday, May 25, 2018
As you probably know by now, I am always drawn to the sight of a dad with a child, caring for them on his own. It is particularly appealing if it is a very young child.
What I witnessed at the supermarket on Sunday was a dad pushing one of the available accommodation cars (the ones often offered in supermarkets). In this case, it was a two seater with an upper backseat that faced the parent. The children were a 4 ½ year old boy, a 3 year old boy and in the backseat, a 19 month old boy.
What caught my attention was not only the obvious and their appealing appearance, but the fact that the dad was involving them in the shopping process, using a normal calm tone and appropriate language. They were discussing the choice being made as they moved along the aisles.
The other factor that was somewhat unique is that they were not eating. Often parents will supply snack foods in order to keep children quiet.
I lost track of them for a few minutes, and then as I came to the end of an aisle, I smiled as I saw the dad carrying the 19th month old while following the older two to the restroom. What could be more demanding than one parent to take three young boys into a public restroom?
Finally they were checking out in front of me. If you closed your eyes you would have thought that this dad was communicating with friends; he was speaking in such a natural, involved and respectful manner.
This man has taken on the most demanding job in the world. He is obviously clear and comfortable in their relationship and is enjoying the reward of that.
At no time did I hear raised voices, arguments or demands.
Happy Early Father’s Day Dads!
Friday, May 18, 2018
Monday, May 7, 2018
Rashes? It takes some common sense, an honest evaluation of circumstances, and action to come up with an answer!
Many times they initially were a challenge to identify and treat.
This time, Michael, who was one, began scratching his legs every time we were changing his diaper. The rest of the day, this area of his body was covered by clothing.
Small blotches and irritated areas began to appear on his legs with the most irritation being at his ankles.
This increased condition was diagnosed by a pediatrician as the result of his tendency to be a “compulsive scratch-er”. At the age of one that did not seem reasonable to me, but unfortunately we did not take any corrective action immediately.
We started reviewing what I call “lifestyle possibilities” and since I felt the condition actually resembles a heat rash, it could be cause by too warm and fitted clothing and coverings. During sleep time this is common when infants seem most vulnerable to having their bodies overheat.
We also switched to cotton only and loose clothing for both and night to allow his skin to breathe and treated the area with concentrated skin lotion.
We actually saw very light improvement initially and then the condition actually got worse. Some of this result was due to the fact that he had access to the irritated areas when clothing and diapers were being changed.
Certainly the changes we made were a plus, but we were not getting the result we wanted and in fact, the lower areas of his legs appeared to be infected.
Finally, and obviously, an appointment was scheduled with a dermatologist. This diagnosis was eczema, a serious skin condition that now requires a detailed treatment regimen and a long term plan to control and possibly prevent follow up occurrences.
There is a history of this skin condition remaining in a person’s system and reoccurring at times throughout their life.
This is one time I did not follow my own rules.
1. Analyze each condition affecting your child’s health.
2. if you are knowledgeable and/or experienced in terms of a treatment, then it could be reasonable to follow and implement that experience.
3. If after 10 days, there is no improvement that is measurable, then you would be wise to call in a specialist.
Raising children is always a challenge, especially when illness is involved.