Introduction:

Every parent we have ever met wants to have a smart child and be a smart parent. Raising a child is the most important responsibility anyone will ever have and can provide the most pleasure and reward.

SMART PARENT/SMART CHILD is the revolutionary philosophy that all children are incredibly intelligent from the moment they are born. When parents have learned understanding, respect, highly developed communication and relationship skills and development related expertise, it is amazing what a child can accomplish and, in fact, each child will achieve his maximum potential.


Our mission is to help you achieve that goal. The key to a child's education and success is a skilled, knowledgeable, informed and educated parent.

This blog addresses specific issues, to really be the best parent possible the book is a must!

Friday, March 30, 2018

The Fascination, Joy, Uniqueness and Challenges Of Infants!

It is really rare that there are two children under the age of one (our definition of an infant) in our daycare giving us an opportunity to observe and guide them as individuals who are learning to be socialized.

We have always understood that infants begin life as an intelligent, unique being. It is our challenge as educators to recognize the developmental areas that will require more of our involvement, and their strengths that will only need encouragement and support. Along with this, they will need to be socialized so they can grow within their family and general social environment.

Their differences
1. One child is very physical, stood up firmly at seven months. The other child showed no interest or ability to accomplish that until eleven months even when given assistance and encouragement.

2. One is an ongoing babbler and attention getting screamer while the other tends to be a “smiler” but quiet.

3. One wants company most of the time, while the other is very independent and interacts when company is available but shows no anxiety when it isn’t.

4. One never really cries when injured or confronted by another child taking a toy, or when hungry. The other has an attention getting cry and emotional response when their needs are not immediately met.

Our success in helping both of them become socialized is in supporting their individuality and realizing their different personalities. They are both open to understanding and following our expectations when they are respected and effectively communicated with.

1. We took the time to identify their natural strengths, encourage them in those areas , but spend more time on those necessary skills they had to develop and spend more time to be successful at.

2. We provided them with activities that supported their natural strengths but gave equal time, and sometimes more, for areas they had to really work at.

3. We taught both of them early on that there were areas and toys/activities that were off limits to them. Since they were both crawling, a simple change of tone and a firm “no” would stop them in their tracks and we would redirect them to an appropriate area. It was amazing that two children with very different personalities understood this message. It was because we are consistent and always followed throw.

4. They both also became “good eaters” this area can be a real challenge. We not only fed them a variety of foods while they were on pureed foods, but also introduced them to regular food by nine months. This was in small portions and careful selections. We started with the challenges first such as greens and somewhat bland foods.

It was an interesting time since I was also training a new assistant. She had the day to day experience seeing two very different children respond so well to our expectations.

This is going to be true for your infant. Take the time to really know who they are and believe that they will be helped when you have clear expectations for them

So what my assistant saw is that all children need clear boundaries and directives and will meet your expectations, even though they have different strengths and personalities possibly even from you.
Agree clearly and communicate!

Good luck!

Enjoy!

Friday, March 23, 2018

Crying!


Crying? Is it a sign that your child is seriously hurt? Very sad? Or is it a constant style of communication that is utilized to get their way because it works?

Case One
-Phillip cries when he requests breakfast at our daycare and that request is denied because it is too late, almost snack time!

-He cried when he has to return a toy that he grabbed from a friend!

-He cried when he is required to clean up his toys prior to work time!

-He cries when a child has a truck he wants and the other child refuses to give it to him.

One day he but another child and was taken out of playtime and required to stand at the green door (our designated area). He cried forever, finally stopped and stated, “I am done crying and I want to go and play.” Our response was, “You are there because you bit William, not because you are crying.” There was a pause and then the following statement was made, “Well then I am going to cry again.” Proof that he was crying to manipulate the situation and get his way.

Case Two
-Evan cries for everything: When he can’t put his jacket on himself, when he can’t take it off, when a friend will not play with him even though they are already involved in a play group.

-When he says he can’t write his name even though he has been writing it for months.

-When he can’t remember what day it is.

-When he deliberately crashes into a playmate while riding a bike even though the child that was hit is fine and does not say a word.

Case Three
-Erika cries when the parent she was not expecting arrives to pick her up from daycare.

-She cried when she can’t find the toy she wants i.e. animal in the duplo box, a specific pony, a certain small dinosaur.

-She cries when she can’t have the bicycle she wants during outside playtime.

-She cries when another child gets to her favorite chair before she does.

Strategy
What is challenging for us is that any child’s behavior that works at home is brought to daycare. It is not the reverse.

In every instance, it required a daily commitment on our part to help each of these children understand that “Crying to get your way” does not work at the daycare.

Every child’s experience was different, but as they mature, they fully understand that in every one of the examples we shared. It required them to communicate, negotiate, and realize that in many instances they were not going to get what they wanted, and either had to accept and alternative or possibly nothing.

Understandably, the older the child, the more challenging it was. Even though we were communicating with the parents on a daily basis regarding the process, in some cases, the parents were still giving in.

In all cases, the child was always angry at the inconsistency and betrayal!

These challenges may take longer to correct because crying has worked for them, probably for their whole life! Trust me! They will change when they know and realize you are firm and consistent.

Obviously when they are really hurt or very sad, be specific with them why you are sympathetic.

Teachers in elementary school are experiences a high percentage of children who still use this approach to communicate and get their way. Be specific with them and identify every circumstance where they are using the crying solution!

When this approach works, and it does, it allows your time together to be more positive and establishes an environment and relationship for your child to be a better communicator, more mature, and responsible for their actions.

Good luck!

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Listening! The Most Important Behavior For Successful Parenting!


This appears to be the most challenging responsibility for parents, partly because it involves so much of a parent/child relationship on an ongoing basis.

Case I
Jessie, Barry’s Mom, arrives at the daycare and notices that he is very absorbed in adding to a road he has built for his cars.

She requests that he put it away because they have to leave immediately. She sits down on the floor beside him and keeps repeating the request. Barry continues to play and does not even look at her.
This scenes continues for five minutes while he adds to his game.

She finally starts taking the game apart without warning. Barry is upset and tries to grab the blocks from her as she is returning them to the tub.

The fact is that his mom rarely follows through on her requests she he had no expectation that she would destroy his game. He begins screaming and reaching to retrieve the blocks.
After a heated tussle, they leave with the mom pulling him by the hand.

Case II
Pamela and Mark disagree on behavior standards for Peter. We notice that Peter has developed a particularly aggressive relationship with his mom who is inconsistent and tends to do most of his work rather than give him the time to be responsible and efficient.

We start to see an increase in his disrespect for her and one night, he throws his jacket at her with the order “Here, take this!” in a very loud voice, and pushes past her out the door and runs to play in the yard.

She waits outside until he decides he is ready to leave and she follows carrying his jacket.

Analysis and Guidelines
This issue is an ongoing challenge for us, experienced caregivers. To convince and guide our parents to a realization that setting rules and boundaries and being 100% consistent in following them actually results in successful parenting with great results. It makes life so much more enjoyable, rewarding and pleasant for everyone. It also allows children to be more trusting and safe and much less likely to disobey. They will know what to expect at all times.

Parents inquire and seem amazed that all the children at the day care listen to us at all times. How does that happen? Because we are 100% consistent, we have gained 100% credibility.

Will they challenge us periodically? Yes. But we calmly remind them what the expectations are and how much better the results will. This is what allows everyone to interact positively.

Do and Don’t
1.       Do be clear on your behavior standards and rules and follow through on them. They are all important, but we have put listening at the top of the list.

2.       Don’t say anything you don’t mean. This was interpreted by Peter’s mom to mean she could just be silent. Not so! It means: know your priorities in terms of behavior and rules and be silent when the circumstances do not fit in to those categories. It does not mean to abdicate your parenting responsibilities.

3.       Once you have spoken, expect to be listen do 100% of the time.

4.       Do not make any statement or request you do not mean or intend to follow up on.
5.       Acknowledge their resistance or non-conformance, but do not change your mind. “Once I speak, I mean it. You know the rules!”

Trust me! This approach is so much less work and so much more rewarding and successful.

You will enjoy your role more than you thought possible and both you and your child will be rewarded with a much healthier relationship!

 Good Luck!


Friday, March 2, 2018

The Important Topic Of Where Your Child Should Sleep


Question: Where should our child sleep?

Answer: In their own bed!

Some of the scenarios we have experienced:

1. Peter was finally sleeping through the night, but he was waking up at 6am. After weeks of this pattern, both the mom and dad were exhausted and when one day he woke up at 5:30am, the mom decided to bring him into their bed. She didn’t think she could get through another day she was so tired.

By the next week, he was no longer sleeping through the night and instead was waking up between 3 and 4 am and screaming to come into their bed.

Making matters worse, neither parent was able to fall asleep again after the disturbance. This made the situation worse than it ever was.

2. Stephen caught a really bad cold and was having a hard time sleeping. The parents decided to have him sleep in their bed so they could be aware of his condition throughout the night. He has now been back to normal for a week and will no longer go to sleep in his own bed.

3. Molly and tom thought it would be the right thing for everyone that their newborn, Sylvia, share their bed from the beginning. 

Initially, it seemed ideal. Molly could nurse her as needed without getting out of bed.

As time went on, they realized they were never getting a good night’s sleep and had given up any opportunity for a private moment.

When they decided to move her into her own crib at six months, she was having a very difficult time and woke up at the slightest sound. Now instead of enjoying her, they were constantly arguing about how to correct the situation and get some rest and privacy.

These were just a few of the situations that we were hearing about and being called on to fix.

Our recommendations that led to success: 

Your child should have their own sleeping space from the beginning. It can be a bassinet that is in your room and it should be separated from your bed by a screen. This way they know from the beginning that it is important to be treated as an individual.

As they grow, they need to be moved to a larger space such as a crib and ideally into their own room. If that is not an option, have them in your room in an alcove or as far away as possible. Still make use of a screen or any other efficient barrier. Treat this as though it is a separate space, and if they are still using the accommodation going into their second year, give the location its own identity name “your room”.

Make sure, at any age, there are no toys in their bed. It is strictly for sleeping! Sometimes, an appropriate mobile will attract their attention upon waking and allow them to be fully awake before calling for you. 

Now let’s talk about solutions for the earlier case studies.

Firstly, it is critical that both parents agree on any strategy presented to fix or prevent any of these situations from occurring or continuing. 

Being in agreement is critical to your success as a parent, even, or especially, when some situations are more demanding than others.

Case 1

You will understand after two or three days that your child is fine and really doesn’t need attention at this hour.

1. Make sure they have had a “full feed” at dinner time so hunger is not waking them up.

2. If they are somewhere around 9 to 12 months, offering them a bottle or nursing before you go to bed can be a solution.

3. If they don’t seem hungry at that hour, then don’t continue that strategy and realize their behavior is simply a habit. Tell them before you put them to bed that you are not coming in to see them while it is dark. Then do that! Do not go back on your word! Or the situation will get worse.

4. Tough it out and do not go to them until 6:30am or 7am which is reasonable. Make a point of telling them that this is going to be the routine. They may not understand every word, but will understand your tone and your actions.

Case 2
Your child is most likely to have some form of illness in their first 18 months which will be serious enough to warrant some monitoring during the night.

1. Invest in a bed, air bed, or sleeping back to be utilized by a parent if constant monitoring is necessary. 

2. If they are already in a bed do not sleep with them.

3. Continue this until you are no longer anxious about their condition.

4. Once that happens, make sure you tell them they are well now and you are going to go back to your own bed.

5. This will make your transition back to your own bed easier.

Case 3

The solution for this case calls under our suggestions on how to plan your child’s sleep from the beginning.

It is a well known belief that if your child sleeps and eats well that a parent can handle anything in between!

Good Luck!