Every parent we have ever met wants to have a smart child and be a smart parent. Raising a child is the most important responsibility anyone will ever have and can provide the most pleasure and reward.
SMART PARENT/SMART CHILD is the revolutionary philosophy that all children are incredibly intelligent from the moment they are born. When parents have learned understanding, respect, highly developed communication and relationship skills and development related expertise, it is amazing what a child can accomplish and, in fact, each child will achieve his maximum potential.
Friday, February 26, 2016
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Friday, February 19, 2016
Some of the most common causes of parental guilt we see:
You either work away from home or at home. Either way, you made a conscious choice to do so either out of necessity or preference. The first choice will probably mean you see them less and the second will probably mean you often need a break.
In the first situation (working outside the home) you want to be totally present when you are with your child. Business communication cannot be when you are together, no phones or computers! Schedule work during bedtime or naptime.
In the second situation you need some time apart to take care of your needs. Try to makes these times consistent.
In both cases, communicate clearly what the plan is. Be comfortable with your life choice, decisions, and discipline yourself to be in the moment.
When you take this confident and mature approach, you do not need to let guilt creep in.
Being late for a pickup
You promise your child you will pick them up from daycare and then your supervisor calls for a meeting at 3pm and you finally arrive at the daycare late.
Call the daycare as soon as you get the news and make sure that your child is advised of the change.
By the time you arrive, you need to have put together an alternative plan. For example instead of 3 hours at the park and ice cream, it can be one hour at the park and pizza for dinner.
Communicate the change positively and move on to enjoy.
-Always respect your child’s need to know what is happening and what is expected of them. I often compare these situations to how you treat your best friend.
-Have well defined behavior standards and boundaries for you and your child.
-Know that they will respond positively when they are treated with respect.
-Apply this approach to all the similar circumstances that may occur in your life.
-Ever let your guilt turn to anger for yourself or your child.
-Act until you can proceed with a solution calmly.
Take a deep breath and know you can do the right thing under any circumstances!
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Friday, February 12, 2016
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
When Stephanie’s mom picks her up that evening, we have the unfortunate responsibility to inform her that Stephanie not only had a difficult day, but that she also bit two of her friends during outside playtime.
Her mom’s immediate comment is that Peter will be incredibly upset to hear this news since he places biting at the top of his list of unacceptable behavior.
Stephanie arrives the next day in her regular play cloths and Peter informs us that he is not picking her up early as he has decided that Stephanie will not attend the party.
Needless to say, we are more than surprised when Peter arrives early evening with Stephanie’s party cloths and tell her to hurry and put them on or they will be late.
A standoff occurs when Stephanie refuses to put on the party cloths and her dad begins putting them on for her while she is resisting and crying.
He struggles with her for what seems forever, and finally succeeds in getting her dressed.
By the time they leave the daycare, Stephanie is screaming and her dad is frustrated, exhausted and bewildered.
We find out the next day that he had reacted very angrily to the news that Stephanie had bitten her friends. In the moment, he told her she would not be going to the party as her punishment.
This incident was somewhat complex because:
1. It involved a professional relationship for the dad.
2. Behavior that ranked highly unacceptable.
3. A punishment that was difficult to carry out since he would need some explanation for his daughter’s absence.
4. The punishment solution really went against his better judgment when he thought about it. He felt guilty about having taken that action.
-Even make a decision driven by anger. Take a break and arrive at a plan that you feel will support your values and be a teaching opportunity.
-Play the guilt card more than once. When you make hasty decisions that you rescind, you diminish your credibility if that style becomes a pattern.
-Become physically or verbally abusive. You can never take that back.
-Apologize and explain your change of decision if that is the case.
-Understand that on occasion you will have to make decisions in complex situations. Think them through! They can be invaluable teaching moments.
Love, trust, and credibility are the basis for a strong relationship with your child. You will be tested all the time!
Make sure your words and actions support your values all the time so your child gets a clear message of what is expected!
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
Congratulations to the proud parents! Whether it is your first or your fifth, the awe, thrill, excitement and nervousness is the same. A new life has been born and becomes a real person and a part of you as a family. Cherish this moment as it is the beginning of so many special moments ahead.
The average is as follows: