Every parent we have ever met wants to have a smart child and be a smart parent. Raising a child is the most important responsibility anyone will ever have and can provide the most pleasure and reward.

SMART PARENT/SMART CHILD is the revolutionary philosophy that all children are incredibly intelligent from the moment they are born. When parents have learned understanding, respect, highly developed communication and relationship skills and development related expertise, it is amazing what a child can accomplish and, in fact, each child will achieve his maximum potential.

Our mission is to help you achieve that goal. The key to a child's education and success is a skilled, knowledgeable, informed and educated parent.

This blog addresses specific issues, to really be the best parent possible the book is a must!

Friday, November 18, 2016

The Success Parents Achieve When Values and Behavior Standards Are Clearly Communicated and Positive Results Are Expected 100% Of The Time!

Sam and Darya are constantly expressing frustration with their son Damon. He is consistently breaking rules, ignoring their requests, crying to get his way, stalling, and controlling the entire food process. In the final case, requesting something special and then not eating it or disliking most of the food being served or playing with it.

His latest tactic is to hit them when he is angry or displeased with what they are expecting.

They are at their wit’s end and request an evaluation.

I suggest spending an afternoon together at their home so I can assess the situation and provide some guidelines.

Within an hour, I can tell what many of the issues are, but I decide to “Tough it out” for the entire afternoon so I can better determine what he might be doing just for my benefit versus what is close to the norm in their relationship.

It is clear, almost from the beginning that Sam and Darya are inconsistent, unclear, lack agreement, bribe, give Damon too much power, undermine each other and generally are allowing Damon to run the show.

The parents and I have a meeting the following day. Initially we review our time together and they begin to acknowledge that they have never really understood and agreed on their role and what they expect from Damon. Somehow they felt it was not going to be that hard to raise a child and they would figure things out as they occurred.

I reminded them that parenting is the most important and demanding role a person can have. They were both successful in their professional careers and thought it would be easy to handle this.

I made them aware that they had committed years of their lives to being educated for success in their chosen profession, but not one minute to be educated to be a successful parent.

Their first assignment was to define the values and behavior standards that they wanted for Damon. 

They had to commit to whatever time and follow-up sessions necessary with me until they were in agreement.

Following that, we met to list those areas they agreed on and have further discussions until their disagreements were resolved.

They finally agreed on:

Values of:

Behavior Standards in:
-Self confidence

They agreed to:

-Never contradict each other in front of Damon.

-Whichever parent initiated a correction, completed it without interference.

-Never say anything they did not mean.

-Always follow up on what they request or expect.

-Never make a  promise if they were unsure they could keep it.

-Always be open to listening, no matter what was being said.

-Always tell the truth and communicate pertinent information.
-Respect their intelligence.

-Always be on the same page. From your child’s perspective they have two bosses. How would you feel if you reported to two superiors who did not agree and never rewarded or reprimanded for the same time?

I often think a reasonable comparison is to evaluate what your needs are in a meaningful relationship and realize that this is your most important relationship ever!

It has now been three months since we initiated this plan and Sam and Darya are amazed at the change in Damon.

They are still challenged at times to remain on track, but they are seeing measurable changes and rewards for everyone.

He has stopped hitting, mealtimes have now become pleasant and a time they look forward to.

Everything is still not a habit and they have to stop themselves from speaking without thinking but it is getting easier and way more enjoyable.

New challenges will come up as Damon grows and tries to push some more boundaries. But they trust themselves more and know I am always available for a refresher and update.

This relationship is the most important one they will ever have, which is true for every parent.

Good luck!

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Tattling! The Challenge Of Managing This Natural Behavior For Positive Results!

Susan is a sweet, bright child who has accelerated the habit of tattling on her friends. Because she believes this habit brings attention her way, she has expanded the use of the technique.

It now includes what she perceives as breaking the rules by one of her friends, even though she is not involved in the process. She also has become skilled at remembering all the days’ incidents and reporting them at home.

This last situation is really concerning because her report is often exaggerated or incorrect and we usually don’t hear about it until it is too late to make a correction.

It is a very common tendency to tattle because it often gives the tattler power and attention. Usually they discover this reward by accident but are pleased by it.

The most common reactions to the tattler by the other children in the group (such as our daycare) are anger, resentment, and often isolation of the tattler.

The reaction at home is often complete trust and belief that what they are hearing is 100% correct and the child can be given sympathy and support tat may not be justified. This seem to only accelerate the tattlers behavior.

This is how we handle this situation at our daycare.

-Children can only report what has happened to them personally.

-Then they are totally supported.

-The only time they may report on someone else is when that person was physically or verbally hurt and they are not verbally skilled.

-If the incident happened to a child who is still not verbally skilled, we will verify with another child who was close to the incident.

-No one can report on an incident that occurred between two verbal children.

-If the report is confusing with no evidence then we may inquire an observer.

For Parents

-When you child is reporting that they are being mistreated at daycare, the first action should be to talk to the teacher.

-When you are inquiring about your child’s day at daycare, stay focused on that. Tell your child you do not want a report on anyone else.

-When your child is repeatedly reporting the same child causing the problem, you should inquire what action is being taken to correct the aggressive behavior.

-If there are any offenses by your child it is a kind and thoughtful gesture to apologize to the other child’s parents.

-If you notice at social events such as birthday parties that you child is being ignored or isolated, this could mean they are seen as a tattle and are not welcome to participate.

-You want to be supportive of your child but be cautious about your reaction and the amount of attention your child is getting or demanding from this. This behavior could be triggered by the need for attention.

This is a challenging situation for all parents, whether your child is on the cause or effect side.

Make sure you are getting all the information and be clear that your goal is to resolve the problem on both sides.

This tendency can easily become a permanent habit that will negatively affect your child’s relationships!

Keep a balanced approach!

Good luck!  

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Traveling Without The Children? We Have The Best Plan To Ensure Positive Results For Everyone!

Edward and Carol have never left their children before. They are hoping to attend a business conference in Europe, since they own their own company and do an extensive amount of business in the countries they will be visiting, they feel the trip will be an advantage for them both personally and business wise.

Currently, Edward has been traveling but this would be the first time both parents would be leaving their children.

They feel anxious, excited and guilty about going away and want to be as certain as possible that the trip will be a positive experience for everyone.

We shared our guidelines that not only worked well for our families, but also left everyone feeling good about the decision.

1. Only leave your children with a responsible caregiver that they know really well and that you feel sincerely cares about them.

2. Have them cared for in their own home.

3. Have all behavior expectations and rules posted and clearly understood.

4. Discuss any activities that they caregiver is planning. Make sure they are appropriate and planed for approved times.

5. Ensure that no one else is in the home that you have not OKed

6. Make a calendar with the locations of your trip for each day.

7. Select some highlights you have planned for yourselves so they will be connected to you at all times.

8. Share some information about your location and activities that really connect to pre-travel conversations.

9. Roleplay before you leave so they are expecting some questions from you. This area can be tricky. Since if you just ask a general question like “what are you doing today?” they may not know the answer, nor have any idea what you expect.

10. Give them some age appropriate responsibilities so they will feel important.

Do Not

1. Get too emotional. This can be very disturbing for your children. Keep it warm, friendly and caring.

2. Show distress. If there has been some incident or injury, tell them you trust the caregiver.
Well planned travel can be a wonderful advantage! The key is to make it work for everyone!

Good luck!