Sleep! If your child sleeps in their own bed, do not give in to the temptation of having them share yours!

It is holiday time! Everyone is stressed, overtired, overstimulated, impatient and exhausted!

Does that sound like your life?

If it does and you have chosen to have your child enjoy their own bedroom space, resist the temptation to have them share your bed. Even if they suddenly plead for it or you are past the exhaustion point.

There may be one night when you just cannot deal with their difficulty in settling down and you are considering the option of having them share your bed.

Resist!

You don’t realize it but one night will probably lead to many, and a situation that will negatively affect the whole family.

One night will likely lead to many and now you are trying to undo the damage.

Solutions:
1. Ideally do not allow them to share your bed, not even once.
2. If you already have, then have a discussion with your child during the day, not bedtime, and tell them they are returning to their own space so everyone can have all the rest and privacy they need and deserve.
3. Compliment them on their maturity. Remind them that the original reasons for sharing their parents’ bed no longer exist. They are strong and independent and need to have a good night’s sleep every day.
4. You may need to monitor their return to their own bed by sitting at their bedroom door for a few nights so they know you are serious about them remaining in their bed.
5. You can also place a safe barricade at the door, i.e. a chair, so they can not leave their room.
6. Do not close the door!

You will probably have to continue this practice for a few days to achieve the desired results.
Remember, you decided to have a separate space for your child because you really believe it was the best arrangement for them to be independent, confident, and responsible.
Equally, parents need their privacy and independence to nourish their special relationship together and be the most loving and effective parents they can be. Good luck!

The Fascination And Joy Of Expecting A Child!

For the first time ever we have three families expecting their second child. It is actually rare that we even have one!

The first child has already been born in August. A little girl who already has a big brother. We talked a lot about the challenges of giving this new child all the time they demand and not having the older child feel neglected.

Some of the tips we have offered that particularly are challenging with a second child:

1.       Tell your child what is going to happen and what you expect from them.

2.       If there is a physical change that is necessary such as moving bedrooms or changing to a big, this should occur ideally two months prior to the expected birth. Your first child should this this move as something they have earned on their own because they are a big boy/girl.

3.       Arrange the infant’s clothing and care needs so they can access the items that are appropriate for them to have responsibility for. “Paul could you please get me a diaper for the baby?”

4.       If your older child is in daycare, whenever possible be available for them immediately when they return home.

5.       If the older child is at home, then schedule time that is theirs. Just offer that you will have to put the infant back to bed, fed, usually works.

6.       When that does not happen, select a book or activity that you will do together as soon as you are available.

7.       You may want to give them a title of “helper”. We have a helper program at our day care where the oldest four children rotate on a weekly basis as helpers. We have been amazed at how importantly this work is to them. It will give your older child identity and challenge. Make sure you explain exactly what you want and how to accomplish it.

8.       Invest in a couple of big brother and big sister books. Make sure you agree with the approach that is taken.

9.       Don’t forget that a warm hug or five minutes of uninterrupted attention can go a long way to having a happy big sibling who is not always competing for your attention.

Best of all! Make sure you are getting all the rest you can squeeze out of 24 hours. That will be the key ingredient to being a calm influence in a challenging environment.

Good Luck!

A Life Altering Experience

I have really missed communicating with you. But, three months ago a tragedy occurred in my life. 

One of my sons (the youngest) was diagnosed with stage 3 multiple myeloma. Although he was not feeling well and was experiencing pain in his back, the diagnosis was completely unexpected.

What followed was worse. During hospitalization for a second cancer treatment, his body went into cardiac arrest and he died on August 24^th.

There are no Adequate words to express how devastating this has been. You want to deny it has happened because your pain and grief are overwhelming and reality is intolerable.

Although friends have been overwhelmingly supportive, the most emotional support has come from being with the children in the daycare. The demands of every day, and having to put their needs first help me get through each day. Their love, joy, and curiosity has been a successful distraction for a meaningful part of my day.

I do not need to remind any of you to treasure the time you have with your children. Even those challenging times. I am focusing on the unique bond we had. That will be with me forever.

The children in the daycare are benefiting from all the experiences I had as a parent including those with this son.

Thank you for all the good comments I have received.

Celebrating Graduation!

Graduation is always bittersweet! We are celebrating the success of those children who are now ready to move on to kindergarten. They will face the challenges of embracing a large group of new friends with the ability and skill to absorb expanded areas of information and a social world that is broader than their current experiences.

It is rare, but this year we have only one graduate. He exemplifies everything that is critical in terms of the skills and personal maturity level that will ensure he transitions and is successful in kindergarten.

He has become a leader, confident in his ability to accomplish challenging tasks. He has increased his concentration and focus, and frequently displayed a level of maturity we have not seen. He is a skilled soccer player and yet yesterday, he lovingly played one on one with a twenty month old child, adapting his approach to her level and allowing her to succeed.

His personal challenge is still to better control his physical reaction to competition. He often overacts. He is conscious of it and we have seen some improvement.

Every year we find it difficult to have our older children leave. But it is heartwarming and rewarding that they are ready for the bigger challenges they will face.

I firmly believe that a family daycare is the most advantageous for the first five years. Each child is living with eleven other children that they will be required to get to know and develop the skills to get along with. Children are drawn to each other by interest and will be interacting with others who may have more or less knowledge than they do at any time. They may be a partner, teacher, student, and best of all, leader.

They know it will be a lot of work going forward but they have climbed that mountain many times and display the confidence and perseverance to reach the top.

We will miss his everyday energy, contributions and accomplishments!

Good luck!

Performance Limits? What Can Occur When They Are Not Set!

We are always committed that a teacher is present for a child who has indicated they are ready to try a physical or mental task that seems beyond expectation.

Usually there has already been a request or some indication that they are challenging themselves to a level that we have not seen. The request has been expressed more than once so we know the child has seriously considered it.

Here are some of the performances we have seen.
1.A twenty two month swinging themselves on a big swing.
2.The same child riding a two wheel bike (with training wheels).
3.A twenty month old building a balanced duplo structure that he created with rooms/stairways, doors and amazingly detailed and practical.
4.A two and a half year old completing a seventy five piece puzzle.
5.A two year old who takes her older, bigger friend on a  tandem bike ride.
6.A three year old who knows all the body parts in detail for every area of the human body.

Because we know that all children are intelligent from the minute they are born, we also know that at any time they will express their interests and strengths to a performance level we have never expected or thought possible.

Part of this result could be because we never say “you can’t”. Instead we say “why don’t you try this first”. This approach support their effort when their plan does not seem achievable, but allows them to pursue the more difficult task. We are committed to remaining totally supportive.

I can’t remember one incident when, under the above conditions, each child di not achieve their goal.
You will be amazed at the diversity and advancement of your child’s development when they are treated and respected as intelligent human beings. Do not underestimate them and support them.

Good luck! Enjoy!

Children’s Shoes – A Key Component Of Your Child’s Physical Growth!

This issue has been on my priority list ever since I became a day care provider. I was truly surprised at the approach parents had toward their child’s footwear. The vast majority of children were wearing hand me downs, with little regard to the affect this was having on their child’s physical growth.

It used to be part of the “mother’s code” to never settle when it came to your child’s footwear during their early formative years. Your child had to be fitted professionally so they had the best support for their correct physical growth.

Properly fitted shoes play an important role in how your child’s walk develops. Your child’s foot bone structure and walking comfort play an important role in the way their body develops.

A child needs

1.Proper support.

2.Adequate growth room

3.A style that is compatible with the width and depth of their foot.

4.Frequent evaluation on size. Their feet tend to grow before the rest of their body. Attention to adequate length should be revisited ever week after the first two months.

Clues your child may give you

1.Refusing to put on their shoes even though they were happy to get dressed.

2.Their visibly pushing the toe of the shoe forward or extending over the sole of their sandals.

3.Throwing their foot to the side of the shoe as a reaction to the lack of space.

4.Because feet can swell as a reaction to heat, they may try to take them off after some time outside, actually stop walking/playing or even cry. We had one child stand in the middle of the play yard refusing to move and crying.

I realize shoes are an expensive part of your child’s wardrobe. They are definitely worth the investment. You can have the rest of your child’s wardrobe as hand me downs, but please, not the shoes.

As the old song goes, “The foot bone connected to the leg bone and leg bone connected to the back bones”.

Healthy foot growth is an important foundation to your child’s future. It is worth the investment.

Good luck!

Lets Discuss One Of The Most Important And Frequent Statements We Make Every Day. “You cannot have what someone else is playing with”

Children, by nature, are survivors and are instinctively drawn to satisfying all their needs. This includes having any object they might desire that someone else has. 

This has been true forever and is often already a habit before they even join our day care.

Here are our recommended guidelines.

1.From the beginning there should be objects in their home that are not available to them such as electronic equipment, work related and valuable possessions.

2.Each of these items should be clearly identified and appropriate behavior explained. “This belongs to mommy and daddy, you cannot have it. Please do not touch it.” When they do not listen, simply remove them from the object, do not take it away.

3.They also cannot have items that someone else is using (including phones). “I’m sorry, but you cannot have daddy’s phone. This is not a toy”

4.If they take it away, simple state “May I have that back? You play with toys, this is my phone.” If there is no response, repeat the above. When still not followed, take the phone back from them. “I am sorry, you may not have this” and be firm.

5.Arrange playdates with one other child. It is wise to have that child’s parent agree with you parenting approach so everyone can be on the same page.

6.Do not allow the child’s strangle hold or tears to dissuade you. When that happens, repeat the request three times and then take it away with “I will have to take this away from you. You need to listen”.

You, as a parent, are their most important teacher and influence in terms of your child’s socialization. When a child is not taught at home it makes the adjustment to the larger social influence much harder and can create a situation when other children do not want to play with them.

Your main role is as a loving educator. Their social development begins at home where sharing and caring begin. When you are effective, it makes your child’s adjustment to a larger world so much easier and rewarding. It practically guarantees they will be happy in the larger world they have to navigate on their own.

Prepare them well!

Good luck!

The Results of our One Child Experiment To Control, and Ideally Stop, His Biting!

As many of you know, we shared our challenge and frustration with the ongoing biting habit of one of our new children. We already knew that it was not going to be easy and may be impossible.

We want to note that several changes had already happened. Peter and his parents were already attending therapy sessions for several months. As new parents, they had to learn to know him better and change their interaction with him to achieve a better relationship. They were spending more time with him, had eliminated the rough housing and were allocating more weekend time to activities that would include peter.

All of these changes definitely created a better relationship and a happier Peter, but they did not eliminate the biting totally.

Peter is a high energy, impulsive, super smart child and it was impossible for us to anticipate every move or intention he might have.

I realized I had to find some element or product that would have such a corrective impact that it would deter him from making that impulsive action, but would not harm him physically or otherwise in any way.

The only thing I could think of was black pepper to give him immediately after following a bite. It could have the impact of preventing him from wanting that experience again.

I discussed this situation with Peter’s dad and got complete support from him.

So, the next time that day he bit a child’s hand because he wanted the toy the child was holding, I immediately took Peter aside and filled ½ of a teaspoon with black pepper and fed it to him. I had no idea how he would react.

He was completely silent while working the black pepper in his mouth with a bewildered look on his face. This continued for a minute or so while I stated repeatedly that every time he bit a friend, this is what would happen.

There was one more incident that day and I repeated the process. He had a similar reaction and his expression and comments indicated he now realized that I meant what I said.

Unbelievably, he has not bitten since. What he has done is verbally state the message that if he bit a friend, the result would be a dose of black pepper.

I had also included  in this process that what he did have to do when he was upset or wanted something: he had to use his words!

“May I have the toy please”

He also sometimes acted aggressive if another child infringed on his space, so he had to communicate appropriately.

“This space is mine” “Please move” Or he had the option to move himself.

He has learned to understand himself really well. On several occasions he has suddenly come to me and requested “black pepper”. Likely he was getting the message that he felt like biting and wanted to stop it!

I don’t know if I will ever have to need to take this approach with another child. I’ve only had 3 biters in my many years of caring for children.

I am really amazed at how successful it has been with Peter and how he has been able to monitor himself.

Needless to say, we are all benefiting from this experience and truly believe it could be successful again.

Since no two children are exactly alike, it may have to be modified and hopefully I will figure out what that is.

I hope some of you can benefit from this experience.

Have I Found An Alternative Solution To The Biting Problem?

Several weeks ago I shared the experience we were having with Peter who join our daycare as an assertive biter.

Since one of my commitments to my families is an assurance that their child will be safe in my care, there obviously was an urgent need to be able to achieve that result.
Even though I have two assistance, it was really a challenge to be 100% successful at preventing him from biting one of his playmates. Because of his impulsive nature, he was sometimes successful.
The only solution I was offered was to bit him back. This was not an option for me so I wracked my brain to determine if there was an alternative approach that would be successful.
I am not yet ready to declare victory, but it appears that my one child experiment seems to be working.

Understanding that some other factors were also involved:
1. The parents spending more quality time with him.
2. Assuring he was getting adequate sleep.
3. Carefully monitoring any circumstances that could trigger him- another child having his favorite toy etc.
4. Remembering to give him his teething remedy.

I have decided to continue this approach for at least another month before I feel more confident that he has advanced to a verbal communication when he wants something he does not have.

The Impact Our Book Smart Parent/Smart Child Can Have On A Family!

Many of you may not realize that my daughter and I have written a parents book which is an extension of our day care’s mission statement:

“We believe that all children are incredibly intelligent from the moment they are born. When a child is respected, understood, and care for by loving, highly skilled communicators with relationship and development related expertise, it is amazing what a child can accomplish. In fact, each child will achieve their maximum potential.”

We wrote the book when we realized that if the children in our care were actually going to reach their maximum potential, we had to educate the parents so that results would be more likely to occur.

I want to share an unsolicited endorsement from one family that expressed what we have heard from hundreds of parents. However, this family has expressed it all in one statement when they were communicating about their child joining our daycare.

“We have read your book cover to cover. The book is highlighted and dog eared and is already a beloved and worn in household staple. We believe that it is the only childcare book that we will ever need. We have found its direct approach accessible to understand, apply and integrate. From the moment Silas was born, it was clear to us that he was an intelligent individual. He learns so quickly and picks up on everything around him. We have brought greater awareness to how we speak and use language to communicate with him since reading your book. We want to maximize his potential to the greatest of our abilities.”

It is so rewarding every time we get constructive feedback from families and realize we have had some impact on the family in a positive way. 

The book is available on amazon and hopefully will make your challenges as a parent gain more positive results.

Good luck!

Biting! How to stop the habit without resorting to a punishment!

Peter joined our daycare when he was seventeen months old. His parents had relocated and were transferring him from his current daycare.

We were unaware that he had a history of biting and were shocked when he bit a twenty month old child at our facility.

Even though I have been a care giver for twenty four years I have only had two other children who were biters. Ironically it was the only behavior I have been unsuccessful in correcting.
Both of these previous children were diagnosed with serious behavior issues and transferred to a special needs daycare.

In Peter’s case, his situation did not appear to be as serious as theirs were. So when the parents agreed to get professional help, as a family, I agreed to support that choice and work with them.
The parents have made major changes in their parenting style and we have seen a measurable, positive change in Peter’s behavior.

However it seems that peter concluded along the way that biting sometimes worked in his favor. Prior to our intervention, he was getting what he wanted in many cases, so we were still not really getting the resulted we needed.

It seemed his biting was becoming his weapon of choice when he desired a toy someone else had. Truthfully this was not happening that often, but once was too much.

I feel there must be some approach we can take to put an end to this.

The only suggestion that we heard was to “bite him back”. I was already aware of this approach and for me it was not an option. I am totally against physical violence of any kind.

I would love to hear from any of you who have been successful in stopping this habit in a more compassionate way. I am particularly curious of whether anyone from a different culture may have had a successful experience they could share. I would really love to hear from you!

Peter seems to take this aggressive action mostly when he is tired. However, he is very impulsive. We have made a huge commitment to resolve this issue and can only be satisfied with 100% success. We must be confident he will not have an option to hurt any other child.

I am excited to hear from you, thanks for your help!

The Surprise (Even For Us) Of The Results And Benefits Of Expanding Responsibilities

In our world, the time of day that includes lunch and nap is the most demanding and possibly hectic. This is primarily because children are allowed to leave the table, take care of their bathroom needs and some cleaning up, get on their floor cot and sleep. This is all accomplished on an individual basis.

About one year ago, one of my assistants came up with the idea of assigning a “helper” role to each of the older children, this involved three of them.

Their responsibilities were: to get diapers, place blankets at the end of the color cots, assist with diaper changing, socks and shoe removal. They also, as needed, sat with younger children so they would feel safe and remain on the floor cots. They were clearly providing a secure, calming effect.
This plan quickly expanded to being a “helper” throughout the day. Helping the teachers with materials, reading to the younger children, reviewing early learning with them etc.

We were exceptionally pleased with their performance and also noted that the week that each child is a “helper” became their favorite. Not only did they talk about when their turn was coming up, but it became their favorite time. We saw them grow in terms of their self-confidence, empathy, patience and caring. 

This is a perfect approach that you can translate to your home. If you don’t already expect your child to be responsible for many of their personal tasks, please do so. If you already d, then maybe you can expand on that and include some family tasks especially if they have siblings.

You will be pleasantly surprised at the level of responsibility they will achieve. Occasionally we found some of the responsibilities they wanted to take on not practical, but we did our best to arrive at some compromise or alternative i.e. they could not be a classroom teacher but they could independently review some work with an individual child.

The more you can involve your child is your family tasks the better they will feel about themselves. Be consistent! Also be patient, give them time to achieve your standards, it will be worth it.
Their achievement is their reward. I do not feel this plan should have a tangible reward such as a gift of some kind.

Good luck!

The Joy, Reward, And Surprise When You Really Treat A Child As An Intelligent Human Being!

How is it possible that after all these years of caring for hundreds of children , I am still unexpectedly surprised at their accomplishments.

Right now we have four children under the age of two who are both blowing my mind, measurably altering my expectation and generally totally fascinating me.

Some of my recent experiences:
1. A puzzle that I used to think of as hard is being completed by children eighteen to twenty months old.

2. Everyone is responsible for taking off their shoes and socks and place them in a corner prior to nap. Then they must spell their name which is in upper case letters on the end of their floor cot. They also take their blanket at the end of the nap, place it in the basket and bring their socks and shoes to us for some help in putting them on. This is followed by a trip to the bathroom to get their hairbrush and have us help them be ready for playtime. These tasks now involve a sixteen month old child who joined us three weeks ago.

3. They are all independently responsible for entertaining themselves during open playtime; we have taken the responsibility of teaching them play skills. Our role becomes as a moderator once they have mastered independent and group skills: they choose to play by themselves, with a friend or in a group and are expected to communicate their needs.

4. They have access to all the toys i.e. get puzzles and return them when completed, gather small toys to play with, cook food in the kitchen set, play musical instruments, or with the barn and farm animals. It is rare that we have to interfere, but if that happens they are given the language, if necessary, to resolve problems. They also participate in performances which includes play a xylophone and singing, the whole group joins in the signing with them.

5. They all know their basics, i.e. letters, numbers, colors, shapes, and may sit in on older children’s classes if they are attentive.

6. They are also expected to follow the rule which are based in respecting each other. “You don’t grab a toy because it is not yours”, “You don’t hit because it hurts”.

7. When they break any rules they are told to go to the door and think about what they have done, which is usually 2 to 3 minutes. We then have a conversation with them reminding them of the importance of both caring and respecting their friends.

Not only does our approach create an exciting and rewarding environment for everyone, but it practically eliminates the possibility of what is referred to as the “terrible twos”.

I believe the terrible twos occur because a child was allowed total freedom to do whatever they wanted. There typically were no rules or they were not enforced. Most parents do not believe the child could understand and follow rules at a young age. Then when they turn two and can typically both communicate more effectively, both physically and verbally, they resent or do not understand why they are now being corrected and may be reprimanded for behavior they were always allowed to do.

Understandably, they will resist the corrections and possibly be very angry because of it.
We have never had that experience, most of our children have joined us at a very young age and therefore had a more respectful and educational experience.
As I have written many times before, once you understand that your child is intelligent from the beginning, it will change everything.

 Your joy, surprise, and rewards will be amazing!

Good luck!

Bonding With Your Infant As A Newborn Is Critical To Their Development!

Over the years we have frequently had parents who did not understand the importance of verbally and emotionally connecting with their newborn from the minute they are born.

As many of you know, this is the key message in our parenting book Smart Parent/Smart Child.
The media has also been promoting this fact including the first five campaign in California which has reflected the exact language from our publication.

So it is almost impossible for us to acknowledge that we are still seeing parents who are still disconnected from their infant as an intelligent human being. In these instances, their infant’s needs are solely limited to nutritional and physical care, leaving their emotional and interactive development completely ignored.

By the time they join our daycare, usually following their first birthday, it is alarming to observe the impact on their behavior. They are either angry and aggressive or completely withdrawn from physical interaction.

We have had years of experience and interaction to support these conclusions. These behaviors are primarily displayed toward the mother and other children.

We have seen a long term level of success in helping these parents and children create a strong emotional bond. However, it is no longer as natural and successful until well into their second year and in fact, in several faces, behavioral issues remained throughout their time with us.

For all the parents who have a young child or are expecting their first born, please educate yourself so can provide the best possible experience for you, your partner and your child.

This is the most important thing you can do as a parent.

Good luck!

How we created a successful lunch strategy that supported healthy eating habits

We knew from the beginning that our goals would be a combination of healthy foods in a socially interactive educational environment. We wanted the children to be excited and included in the process.

It took us a few years to arrive at that result and we have maintained the basic formula while periodically making minor changes.

Our Plan

1.Provide food that is tasty, visually appealing, well balanced, and manageable by even a one year old.

2.Provide the same daily menu each week so everyone knows what to expect and is looking forward to it.

3.There are always two vegetables and a mixed bean offering at the beginning of every meal. Those are the only items on each plate when lunch begins.

4.When these are eating, each child requests the protein for the day.

5.Next are the carbs. This is always some form of pasta or rice.

6.Finally, there is an offering of cut fruit.

All of the portions served would be comparable to an adult serving.

What creates such positive energy is that they have to verbally interact throughout the meal by having to request the next item. This is often accompanied by positive comments and some competition which encourages involvement. It is rare that there is a negative comment and when that does happen, it is often responded to by another child. We also make sure we are always listening and consider those comments.

A sample menu is:

1.Edamame beans with broccoli.

2.Black and pinto beans in balsamic dressing.

3.Chicken dog.

4.Penne pasta with garlic salt.

5.Cut pear.

Because they are constantly communicating, it creates an active social environment. This constantly dialogue is motivational, especially when a child is new to the process.

Note: If we want to introduce a new item, it becomes an add on. Its success or not determines if it becomes a regular.

Good luck!

I hope you can enjoy the reward we experience every day!

Is Your Child A Poor Eater?

Is Your Child A Poor Eater?

Here are the most common reasons that we believe are why that happens!

It is rare that we have a child join our daycare after the age of fourteen months who is a good eater.

We have compiled the most common conditions that contribute to that result!

1.They are given too much liquid throughout the day. They may be still on a bottle or using a large sip cup, or both. They may be getting the bottle too often but more commonly, they have huge sup cups filled with water/juice/milk on an ongoing basis throughout the day. This is also more than likely happening very close to mealtime as well.

I call this “liquid bloat” these children are getting way too much liquid! How can they possibly be hungry enough to desire and enjoy solid food?

There seems to be a belief that they need a constant ingestion of liquid, or it is because it keeps the child quiet. Their bodies need time to build up a desire for food!

2. They are given a snack too close to mealtime, often as soon as they said they were hungry. Distract them instead with a new activity. Show them on the clock when they will be eating and they will have to wait until then. Sometimes physical activity can be more successful than quieter time.

3. They were given the same food repeatedly because they liked it. You fell into a habit of not expanding their menu. For example, having peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or hot dogs all the time is not a healthy habit. You need to expect more from them.

4.There are no family meals. A child is expected to eat a meal by themselves while the parents are otherwise occupied.

5.The child is offered different food than the parents are eating. The parents themselves have a different menu which gives the child a confusing message.

6.They eat by themselves at a different time to the parents can enjoy their meal together.

Food is a social experience. Your child will learn to enjoy food more readily when there is a pleasant environment and food that is being shared by all.

We will discuss this issue again and share our approach to mealtime at our daycare as well as the approach we have used forever with great results.

Talk to you again next week!

Good luck!

Tuesday!!! The Most Challenging Day Of The Week!

Many years ago, Billy, an eighteen month old boy, joined our day care. He was adorable, bright, curious and interesting, like many children are.

We also really liked his parents a lot. Interesting, charming, warm. Highly educated and both in creative work worlds.

Billy began his experience at the daycare as a happy, curious, friendly child. His parents established what seemed to be a perfect schedule, alternating his pick up and drop off every day. I.E. Dad brought him Monday morning, mom picked him up Monday night and dropped him off Tuesday morning while dad picked him up Tuesday night.

During the first three months, he seemed to change his behavior noticeably. He was losing his happy nature, was often crying, having difficulty being positive and pleasant with the other children and was even sometimes aggressive.

Because we were not getting meaningful input from the parents, we decided to record his behavior daily. At the end of three months, a pattern was clear. His most problematic and aggressive day was Tuesday. Initially we were unsure what that meant except we realized it was also true for most of the children.

What appeared to be happening is that everyone seemed really happy and cooperative on Monday as well as really pleased to be back with their friends. What occurred on Tuesday was more of a reflection on what they had been allowed to do over their previous weekend. So it was more challenging the rules and guidelines than anything else.

Any of these behaviors are not uncommon with toddlers but by the end of the second year, we were becoming concerned about the direction he was taking. Coincidentally, each parent had a business trip planned and a set of grandparents came to take care of him. 

When leaving the day care one day (also a Tuesday) the grandparents were horrified and hysterical when Billy left them and ran across the street while a car was coming toward him.

Fortunately, he was not hit, but the incident opened the door to what was happening in his life.
Billy’s parents had separated prior to enrolling him in our day care. This was vital information they did not reveal and in fact, they had deliberately arranged their schedule so we would not know what was going on.

We scheduled a meeting with them and helped them understand how difficult, confusing and damaging their silence and schedule was having on him.

We also provided clear guidelines for both parents to follow, they needed to be on the same page. Fortunately, they made a commitment to follow them and communicate with each other and our staff in a more productive way.

There are so many messages to take from this incident.

1.Parents must be consistent. Weekends are mostly less scheduled than week days, but behavior standards should still be expected.
2.Parents and caregivers need to believe in the same parenting philosophy and practice it.
3.This situation obviously had an extremely dramatic moment, but every child is confused and may be angry and fearful when their lives are not guided by clear directives and consistent expectations.
4.We are still experiencing those challenges in many different ways.
The reason this incident came to my mind was because this last Tuesday was so challenging. We are still seeing the same patterns with children coming back to day care having been through a very disorganized and exhausting weekend.

Make sure you are taking their needs into consideration, but do not forget what behavior standards are important to you.

Good luck!

Roughhousing? Seriously? With Toddler or Young Child?

I am blown away to find that parents are actually engaging in consistent daily roughhousing activities with their toddler or young child.

I have to admit that I do not believe it is an appropriate or beneficial activity between a parent and child at any age. However at these stages of life it feels somewhat cruel and possibly life altering.

1.Oscar’s parents explained this activity as a way of toughening him up.

2.Michael’s parents explained it as a workout between them.

3.Roger’s parents engaged in it to tire him out.

This activity took place every morning for an hour – rolling him off the back of the couch, throwing him in the air etc.

Or

For a similar time period at night involving crawling around on the floor, throwing him up in the air, tickling him for an extended period and continuing these activities until he was so tired he was closing his eyes.

Or

Another approach was play boxing and karate kicking, along with horse back riding. I am not clear on the duration in this case except that sometimes the child was so overstimulated he could not fall asleep. In this case the activity backfired on the plan of getting him to sleep quickly.

I can hardly believe I am writing this. Not only do I believe it is harmful in so many ways, but that the parents have so many other options of interactive activity to enjoy with their child that would be beneficial. How about dancing, exercising, running and sliding at the park, soccer etc. My second point is that if this activity takes place at night to induce a “quick sleep” in most cases, a totally exhausted or overstimulated child will probably not fall asleep quickly and may experience an interrupted sleep.

Also in the twenty four years I have been a care giver, these three children were the only chronic biters ever.

I now also speculate that these experienced activities could be an experience that could become a germ toward bullying since this is really a big person taking advantage of a small person. Could that be how the child perceived it?

I am sure that there are a lot of people who think this activity is a lot of fun and could not create negative results, I am not one of them.

I am curious to know if there has been any research done and its results. I was unable to find anything even related. I would love to hear from you if you are aware of any study.

Thanks for being a member of my blog family. Good luck with all your parenting challenges!

Do You Think Your Toddler Is Emotionally and Developmentally Not As Advanced As Their Friends?

Every child is unique and maybe should not be compared to anyone else. However, we are always focused on assuring that each child achieve their maximum potential, consequently we are turned in to emotional and developmental skills for all individual age groups.

Even though we communicate with our parents each day, we watch for patterns and trends in terms of their emotional cognitive development. As a result, we may take a period of time to gather information before communicating our evaluation.

These concerns are of particular importance when we observe a toddler not advancing, and in fact, continuing to behave more like an infant.

Case Study

Peter is a particular example, he is twenty months old. He displays delayed verbal skills. He still points or cries to get what he wants, he cannot enunciate even basic words and shows no interest in copying speech.

He cannot entertain himself or even select a toy to play with. He often throws toys instead of trying to figure them out. He displays very little curiosity or persistence to figure out how things work. He is also starting to push the other children, partly because he is frustrated that they do not want to play with him.

Children bring their home behavior to daycare, not the other way around.

We share these circumstances with his parents and they finally admit that he is still on a bottle and is throwing both toys and food at home. He demands that they play with him and is dependent on them for all his tasks.

This is the first time we have heard these statements. In fact, they had stated he was no longer on a bottle and was super independent before he joined our daycare.

Obviously Peter is not going to achieve all the results in terms of his skills and development unless the parents are honest and begin treating him like a twenty month old who is capable of keeping up with friends at our daycare.

They also realize that when they take him to public events or birthday parties, they had noticed that he was not as mature or skilled as most of his friends.

This should be a red flag to any parent.

1.Having Peter still on a bottle is telling him he is still a baby. Also the continued sucking is interfering with his oral muscles which should be developing for speech.

2.They need to become teachers during his home playtime. Give him all the skills development to entertain himself and the time to work challenges out.

3.Assign him simple tasks and encourage him to be independent.

4.Make sure you are verbalizing the correct language for everything he is interacting with.

You want your child to achieve their potential. That will not come totally from their daycare providers. Parents are the most important influence!

Good luck!

The 19 Wisdoms For All Parents

The truth is kids want to be part of the conversation.

The truth is kids are more curious than many adults.

The truth is kids know lies are bad.

The truth is kids think cash is still cool.

The truth is kids don’t let differences divide them.

The truth is kids learn something new every day.

The truth is kids are smarter than you think.

The truth is kids can turn any place into a playground.

The truth is kids can make a difference right now.

The truth is kids feel things as deeply as adults do.

The truth is kids don’t need candy to feel better.

The truth is kids will inherit the earth.

The truth is kids have big dreams.

The truth is kids want to discover the world.

The truth is kids expect honesty.

The truth is kids think the simple stuff is funny.

The truth is kids bring people together.

The truth is kids appreciate a good story.

The truth is kids can handle the truth.

How appropriate for the year 2019! I could have made each of these an entire blog post because I agree with all of them.

I was blown away when these wisdoms were framed and given to me by my daughter as a Christmas fits. She found them in the “kids section” of the New York Times and had them printed and framed. They are hanging in a prominent location in our daycare.

My hope is that each of you will also print them out and display them where they can be seen at all times.

How wonderful it would be if we all believed in and lived them every day of our lives. Have a happy and healthy 2019!

Good Luck!