The Importance Of Positive Communication Between Parents in the Presence Of Their Children

Maria is a very bright four and a half year old who is consistently challenged to communicate in a normal voice tone.

She is drawn to games that require loud sound effects (fire trucks, airplanes, police cars, whistles etc.) she also communicates with us and her friends as though she is across the room instead of beside us.

We periodically have talk sessions in the work group about various subjects and today it was about feelings. It is always interesting to observe how our children see their world and today was no exception.

What stood out was when we talked about feeling angry and she stated that she feels angry when her mom and dad scream at each other and call each other mean names.

It was moving and painful to watch how emotional she became when she shared this experience. It explained her tendency to high volume levels in her communication style and also her sensitivity and her overreaction when another child raises their voice to her.

Children are indelibly influenced by the environment in their home, especially as it relates to how their parents interact. When there is conflict between their mom and dad, a child tends to believe that they, the child, is somehow responsible. Many times they perceive their parents’ behavior as normal since it is their constant environment.

If this is your situation, it may mean a major commitment to a life changing style. If so, it is important that you consider and hopefully follow the following guidelines.

Do Not

1. Discuss issues that require involved and possibly sensitive comments when your children are present. They may be in another room in your home (or even asleep you think) but believe and know they can hear you.

2. Disrespect the other parent verbally or by actions. That is not only scary to your child, but it can also deliver a message that this is an acceptable style for them to copy.

3. Use a loud forceful tone when communicating in their presence. It is not only alarming, but in Maria’s case it was what she came to consider normal.

Do

1. Consider that you are you child’s role model and source of survival. Every action you take has an impact on them.

2. Show respect for your partner and your child at all times.

3. Draw on all resources you have (even professional help) to ensure your child’s life is as safe and secure as possible.

Be calm! Good Luck!