The Critical Importance Of 100% Consistency!

David was almost two. He was very verbal, independent, caring, and curious.

We began seeing a slight change in his behavior that escalated to a major change.

He suddenly wanted help with tasks he had always completed himself.

1.Putting away his blanket after nap.

2.Getting his shoes and socks and bringing them to a teacher to get minor assistance.

3.Feeding himself at lunch time.

4.Organizing games with his friends or independently entertaining himself.

He also began crying over insignificant issues, instead of talking.

1.When someone took a toy.

2.When he asked for something he could not have.

3.When he was required to complete a task he knew how to do.

4.When he wanted a toy someone else was using.

5.When he was taking a nap or waking up from a nap.

We discussed these issues with his mom who noted that many of these behaviors were occurring at home as well.

These behaviors continued until one day was his birthday party. He sat down at the lunch table and refused to eat without help. We reminded him that there was a planned party following lunch but no one could participate in the party if they did not finish their lunch.

Normally that reminder immediately changes the dynamic and the involved child begins to eat and the party goes on as planned.

In this instance, David absolutely refused and kept asking for help, kept crying, and was finally told that the party was cancelled and would be held the next day if he was then able to take care of his responsibilities.

I called the mom to alert her to what had happened and understandably she inquired whether I could make an exception since it was his birthday.

Fortunately I said that I could not break a rule since I would immediately undermine my own credibility.

When David returned the following day, he seemed calm, happy, amazingly sweet and more like his old self.

I reminded him that I had planned to have the birthday cake that day. He had to decide whether he wanted to be an “independent and positive boy” and eat all his lunch without assistance.

What happened next was the amazing part- absolutely no crying. He was super positive, happy and interactive. He not only returned to the child he had been, but actually a more mature and positive version.

A child will often regress and test when on the cusp of a big change, turning two was a big deal. He needed to know that even when he misbehaved, was unkind to his friends, and seemed to lose confidence, we make it clear we still loved him and could wait for him to feel safe in moving forward because we would love him even more.

Understand that your child may test the rules, resist his responsibilities, and challenge your directives when they are ready to move to a whole new level.

You have to let him know it is safe to challenge you, but you will remain in charge of what is best for him and welcome him when he understands that.

Know what matters to you. You are their teacher, their source of survival, and their main resource. They will want to please you when you are clear in your expectations and are consistent.

Kudos to his mom who shared with him that she had spoken to me and totally supported my actions.

It is a challenge but you can do it!

Good luck!