The Fascination And Joy Of Expecting A Child!

For the first time ever we have three families expecting their second child. It is actually rare that we even have one!

The first child has already been born in August. A little girl who already has a big brother. We talked a lot about the challenges of giving this new child all the time they demand and not having the older child feel neglected.

Some of the tips we have offered that particularly are challenging with a second child:

1.       Tell your child what is going to happen and what you expect from them.

2.       If there is a physical change that is necessary such as moving bedrooms or changing to a big, this should occur ideally two months prior to the expected birth. Your first child should this this move as something they have earned on their own because they are a big boy/girl.

3.       Arrange the infant’s clothing and care needs so they can access the items that are appropriate for them to have responsibility for. “Paul could you please get me a diaper for the baby?”

4.       If your older child is in daycare, whenever possible be available for them immediately when they return home.

5.       If the older child is at home, then schedule time that is theirs. Just offer that you will have to put the infant back to bed, fed, usually works.

6.       When that does not happen, select a book or activity that you will do together as soon as you are available.

7.       You may want to give them a title of “helper”. We have a helper program at our day care where the oldest four children rotate on a weekly basis as helpers. We have been amazed at how importantly this work is to them. It will give your older child identity and challenge. Make sure you explain exactly what you want and how to accomplish it.

8.       Invest in a couple of big brother and big sister books. Make sure you agree with the approach that is taken.

9.       Don’t forget that a warm hug or five minutes of uninterrupted attention can go a long way to having a happy big sibling who is not always competing for your attention.

Best of all! Make sure you are getting all the rest you can squeeze out of 24 hours. That will be the key ingredient to being a calm influence in a challenging environment.

Good Luck!

A Life Altering Experience

I have really missed communicating with you. But, three months ago a tragedy occurred in my life. 

One of my sons (the youngest) was diagnosed with stage 3 multiple myeloma. Although he was not feeling well and was experiencing pain in his back, the diagnosis was completely unexpected.

What followed was worse. During hospitalization for a second cancer treatment, his body went into cardiac arrest and he died on August 24^th.

There are no Adequate words to express how devastating this has been. You want to deny it has happened because your pain and grief are overwhelming and reality is intolerable.

Although friends have been overwhelmingly supportive, the most emotional support has come from being with the children in the daycare. The demands of every day, and having to put their needs first help me get through each day. Their love, joy, and curiosity has been a successful distraction for a meaningful part of my day.

I do not need to remind any of you to treasure the time you have with your children. Even those challenging times. I am focusing on the unique bond we had. That will be with me forever.

The children in the daycare are benefiting from all the experiences I had as a parent including those with this son.

Thank you for all the good comments I have received.

Celebrating Graduation!

Graduation is always bittersweet! We are celebrating the success of those children who are now ready to move on to kindergarten. They will face the challenges of embracing a large group of new friends with the ability and skill to absorb expanded areas of information and a social world that is broader than their current experiences.

It is rare, but this year we have only one graduate. He exemplifies everything that is critical in terms of the skills and personal maturity level that will ensure he transitions and is successful in kindergarten.

He has become a leader, confident in his ability to accomplish challenging tasks. He has increased his concentration and focus, and frequently displayed a level of maturity we have not seen. He is a skilled soccer player and yet yesterday, he lovingly played one on one with a twenty month old child, adapting his approach to her level and allowing her to succeed.

His personal challenge is still to better control his physical reaction to competition. He often overacts. He is conscious of it and we have seen some improvement.

Every year we find it difficult to have our older children leave. But it is heartwarming and rewarding that they are ready for the bigger challenges they will face.

I firmly believe that a family daycare is the most advantageous for the first five years. Each child is living with eleven other children that they will be required to get to know and develop the skills to get along with. Children are drawn to each other by interest and will be interacting with others who may have more or less knowledge than they do at any time. They may be a partner, teacher, student, and best of all, leader.

They know it will be a lot of work going forward but they have climbed that mountain many times and display the confidence and perseverance to reach the top.

We will miss his everyday energy, contributions and accomplishments!

Good luck!

Performance Limits? What Can Occur When They Are Not Set!

We are always committed that a teacher is present for a child who has indicated they are ready to try a physical or mental task that seems beyond expectation.

Usually there has already been a request or some indication that they are challenging themselves to a level that we have not seen. The request has been expressed more than once so we know the child has seriously considered it.

Here are some of the performances we have seen.
1.A twenty two month swinging themselves on a big swing.
2.The same child riding a two wheel bike (with training wheels).
3.A twenty month old building a balanced duplo structure that he created with rooms/stairways, doors and amazingly detailed and practical.
4.A two and a half year old completing a seventy five piece puzzle.
5.A two year old who takes her older, bigger friend on a  tandem bike ride.
6.A three year old who knows all the body parts in detail for every area of the human body.

Because we know that all children are intelligent from the minute they are born, we also know that at any time they will express their interests and strengths to a performance level we have never expected or thought possible.

Part of this result could be because we never say “you can’t”. Instead we say “why don’t you try this first”. This approach support their effort when their plan does not seem achievable, but allows them to pursue the more difficult task. We are committed to remaining totally supportive.

I can’t remember one incident when, under the above conditions, each child di not achieve their goal.
You will be amazed at the diversity and advancement of your child’s development when they are treated and respected as intelligent human beings. Do not underestimate them and support them.

Good luck! Enjoy!

Children’s Shoes – A Key Component Of Your Child’s Physical Growth!

This issue has been on my priority list ever since I became a day care provider. I was truly surprised at the approach parents had toward their child’s footwear. The vast majority of children were wearing hand me downs, with little regard to the affect this was having on their child’s physical growth.

It used to be part of the “mother’s code” to never settle when it came to your child’s footwear during their early formative years. Your child had to be fitted professionally so they had the best support for their correct physical growth.

Properly fitted shoes play an important role in how your child’s walk develops. Your child’s foot bone structure and walking comfort play an important role in the way their body develops.

A child needs

1.Proper support.

2.Adequate growth room

3.A style that is compatible with the width and depth of their foot.

4.Frequent evaluation on size. Their feet tend to grow before the rest of their body. Attention to adequate length should be revisited ever week after the first two months.

Clues your child may give you

1.Refusing to put on their shoes even though they were happy to get dressed.

2.Their visibly pushing the toe of the shoe forward or extending over the sole of their sandals.

3.Throwing their foot to the side of the shoe as a reaction to the lack of space.

4.Because feet can swell as a reaction to heat, they may try to take them off after some time outside, actually stop walking/playing or even cry. We had one child stand in the middle of the play yard refusing to move and crying.

I realize shoes are an expensive part of your child’s wardrobe. They are definitely worth the investment. You can have the rest of your child’s wardrobe as hand me downs, but please, not the shoes.

As the old song goes, “The foot bone connected to the leg bone and leg bone connected to the back bones”.

Healthy foot growth is an important foundation to your child’s future. It is worth the investment.

Good luck!

Lets Discuss One Of The Most Important And Frequent Statements We Make Every Day. “You cannot have what someone else is playing with”

Children, by nature, are survivors and are instinctively drawn to satisfying all their needs. This includes having any object they might desire that someone else has. 

This has been true forever and is often already a habit before they even join our day care.

Here are our recommended guidelines.

1.From the beginning there should be objects in their home that are not available to them such as electronic equipment, work related and valuable possessions.

2.Each of these items should be clearly identified and appropriate behavior explained. “This belongs to mommy and daddy, you cannot have it. Please do not touch it.” When they do not listen, simply remove them from the object, do not take it away.

3.They also cannot have items that someone else is using (including phones). “I’m sorry, but you cannot have daddy’s phone. This is not a toy”

4.If they take it away, simple state “May I have that back? You play with toys, this is my phone.” If there is no response, repeat the above. When still not followed, take the phone back from them. “I am sorry, you may not have this” and be firm.

5.Arrange playdates with one other child. It is wise to have that child’s parent agree with you parenting approach so everyone can be on the same page.

6.Do not allow the child’s strangle hold or tears to dissuade you. When that happens, repeat the request three times and then take it away with “I will have to take this away from you. You need to listen”.

You, as a parent, are their most important teacher and influence in terms of your child’s socialization. When a child is not taught at home it makes the adjustment to the larger social influence much harder and can create a situation when other children do not want to play with them.

Your main role is as a loving educator. Their social development begins at home where sharing and caring begin. When you are effective, it makes your child’s adjustment to a larger world so much easier and rewarding. It practically guarantees they will be happy in the larger world they have to navigate on their own.

Prepare them well!

Good luck!

The Results of our One Child Experiment To Control, and Ideally Stop, His Biting!

As many of you know, we shared our challenge and frustration with the ongoing biting habit of one of our new children. We already knew that it was not going to be easy and may be impossible.

We want to note that several changes had already happened. Peter and his parents were already attending therapy sessions for several months. As new parents, they had to learn to know him better and change their interaction with him to achieve a better relationship. They were spending more time with him, had eliminated the rough housing and were allocating more weekend time to activities that would include peter.

All of these changes definitely created a better relationship and a happier Peter, but they did not eliminate the biting totally.

Peter is a high energy, impulsive, super smart child and it was impossible for us to anticipate every move or intention he might have.

I realized I had to find some element or product that would have such a corrective impact that it would deter him from making that impulsive action, but would not harm him physically or otherwise in any way.

The only thing I could think of was black pepper to give him immediately after following a bite. It could have the impact of preventing him from wanting that experience again.

I discussed this situation with Peter’s dad and got complete support from him.

So, the next time that day he bit a child’s hand because he wanted the toy the child was holding, I immediately took Peter aside and filled ½ of a teaspoon with black pepper and fed it to him. I had no idea how he would react.

He was completely silent while working the black pepper in his mouth with a bewildered look on his face. This continued for a minute or so while I stated repeatedly that every time he bit a friend, this is what would happen.

There was one more incident that day and I repeated the process. He had a similar reaction and his expression and comments indicated he now realized that I meant what I said.

Unbelievably, he has not bitten since. What he has done is verbally state the message that if he bit a friend, the result would be a dose of black pepper.

I had also included  in this process that what he did have to do when he was upset or wanted something: he had to use his words!

“May I have the toy please”

He also sometimes acted aggressive if another child infringed on his space, so he had to communicate appropriately.

“This space is mine” “Please move” Or he had the option to move himself.

He has learned to understand himself really well. On several occasions he has suddenly come to me and requested “black pepper”. Likely he was getting the message that he felt like biting and wanted to stop it!

I don’t know if I will ever have to need to take this approach with another child. I’ve only had 3 biters in my many years of caring for children.

I am really amazed at how successful it has been with Peter and how he has been able to monitor himself.

Needless to say, we are all benefiting from this experience and truly believe it could be successful again.

Since no two children are exactly alike, it may have to be modified and hopefully I will figure out what that is.

I hope some of you can benefit from this experience.