Every parent we have ever met wants to have a smart child and be a smart parent. Raising a child is the most important responsibility anyone will ever have and can provide the most pleasure and reward.

SMART PARENT/SMART CHILD is the revolutionary philosophy that all children are incredibly intelligent from the moment they are born. When parents have learned understanding, respect, highly developed communication and relationship skills and development related expertise, it is amazing what a child can accomplish and, in fact, each child will achieve his maximum potential.

Our mission is to help you achieve that goal. The key to a child's education and success is a skilled, knowledgeable, informed and educated parent.

This blog addresses specific issues, to really be the best parent possible the book is a must!

Friday, August 7, 2015

Why Does My Child Lie All The Time? Even When the Issue is Not Important, He Does it Anyway!

Raphael is a super creative child. Both his parents are in very demanding and somewhat unpredictable professions. It is not unusual that he is the last child to be picked up from the daycare and sometimes without notice, the parents send a substitute. He is showing some outward signs of stress: stammering, having difficulty sitting still and focusing, licking all kinds of surfaces, biting his nails etc. The impression we have is that he is not a priority in the family.

We became aware several months ago that he was lying about what we felt were insignificant issues, mostly as it related to creative play which is where he gets most of his attention from his peers.
Last week while he was building with duplos some of the other children were using his favorite novelty pieces. These are printed eyeballs which he uses to make his animals. We noticed that he moved toward the duplo container and instead of building, he seemed to be pushing pieces under the container. When we questioned him, he not only lied about it, but blamed another child when we brought out the evidence.

Follow up conversation elicited a statement that these items were important because they gave him “special attention”.

Ellie is dropped off one morning and her mother shares that she will be picking her up at 2pm to take her to the pediatrician for a shot. The mother requested that we not mention the reason to Ellie because she hates going to the doctor and was told instead that they were spending special time together.

We assure the mother that it was very important that her daughter be told the truth and suggested that she do so before she left.

It was concerning that she was reluctant to do so because Ellie would get upset. We convince the mother that it was much more likely that Ellie would be less upset now than later and her mother would be having a credible moment.

With some resistance she followed our suggestion and found that Ellie was not nearly upset as she expected.

So why do children lie? How can you prevent this?

1. Very often as in Raphael’s case, to get attention. He was relying on his strong creative skills to fill the neglect void he felt.
2. They also lie by accident. If parents are not really paying attention to their children and questioning any circumstance or statement that does not seem reasonable, the child may fall into a pattern of lying because their behavior is not questioned.
3. They also lie by example. Ellie would obviously find out that her mother had lied to her about why she was being picked up early. Many parents think it has no effect on their child when they tell a lie and in fact it does.
4. You child is less likely to lie if you have an agreement that no matter the circumstances, if your child tells the truth they will not be in trouble! There may be repercussions for the actions such as cleaning up the mess BUT under no circumstances should your child be punished for telling the truth.
5. Be the unwavering constant example. Make it clear that you never lie no matter what.
6. Make them aware of public figures, acquaintances, students or friends who are caught lying and had a serious consequence follow.
7. Every incident should be a teaching moment. In Raphael’s case, he lost the privilege of playing with the novelty eye ball duplos for one month. He had not only lied that he hid them, but he accused another child. He often commented after the incident referring to the consequences. To our knowledge he has not done anything similar again.

Like all other challenges, be 100% consistent! Good luck!

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