Why Do So Many Parents Threaten Their Child When They Do Not Listen?

Sally is picked up from daycare at her usual time. However, today she happens to be building a rather elaborate Duplo castle that is not quite finished. Her dad tells her he is ready to leave now and to immediately take apart the castle and clean up the Duplos.

Sally has about a 90% good listening record and this time her request to finish the project seems valid to her since she has put in so much work and time already.

Instead of responding directly to her request, her dad simply repeats his demand that she clean up so they can leave immediately.

We can see her struggling with his repeated requests and before any alternative is offered, he immediately moves toward the door and says, “Well I am leaving now and you can just stay here.”

It is extremely disturbing to hear those words since he has taken this approach before with disastrous results for Sally.

She immediately runs to the door, cry and call for him to wait! She now has the dilemma of choosing to clean up the project (which she knows she should) or letting her dad leave without her. Predictably, I tell her that I will clean up the project and call to him to wait for her.

This is not the first time this exact scenario has happened between Sally and her dad. This is also a scene that we frequently see play out in public places, especially in shopping malls.

How many ways could this situation have been resolved?

Do

1. Remember when you are picking up your child from day care or any other activity, to have some understanding of what the existing circumstances are and make decisions accordingly.

2. Communicate clearly what the final decision is after you listen to your child’s request and remind them you expect to be listened to.

Do not

1. Ever threaten to abandon your child, no matter what the circumstances are! You are threatening their very survival. They will probably not remember that you did this before and did not actually follow through, at this moment, their reaction is all based on emotion and not logic.

2. Expect them to become a better listener based on a threatened approach.

3. Disrespect their need for some understand when there are extenuating circumstances.

Holiday time is here! There are many positives associated with it, but also many challenges.

Everyone can become overtired, stressed, off schedule, overstimulated and demanding.

Stay on message! Let your child know what is going to happen and what you expect!

For further readings on listening, click here!

Good luck!