Every parent we have ever met wants to have a smart child and be a smart parent. Raising a child is the most important responsibility anyone will ever have and can provide the most pleasure and reward.

SMART PARENT/SMART CHILD is the revolutionary philosophy that all children are incredibly intelligent from the moment they are born. When parents have learned understanding, respect, highly developed communication and relationship skills and development related expertise, it is amazing what a child can accomplish and, in fact, each child will achieve his maximum potential.

Our mission is to help you achieve that goal. The key to a child's education and success is a skilled, knowledgeable, informed and educated parent.

This blog addresses specific issues, to really be the best parent possible the book is a must!

Friday, November 13, 2015

Why Is Having Your Child Listen To You Such An Ongoing Challenge?

One of our moms arrives at daycare with a large basket of toys that her family no longer uses, many of them are parts of large groups that no longer make sense to keep. They are not only in great condition and really good quality, but remarkably, are compatible with the activities we already have.  I.E novelty pieces for a wood train system, beautiful creatures for our whale collection ect.

The largest group is a collection of metal cars that get everyone’s attention. Jonah, a two year old, is immediately drawn to two items, a white care and a blue car, that he successfully reaches for and grasps tightly in his hands.

Throughout the day he finds ways to include them in his play activity. We notice that on each occasion during the day, when he has to return them to the car drawer, he is reluctant to do so. He slowly follows through when we remind him he will be able to play with them at the next play period.

Now, it is the end of the day and his mom, Sylvia, has arrived to take him home and she reminds him to put the cars away so they can leave. Jonah runs to the exit door, clutching the cars and tries to open it to leave. He is refusing to listen to his mom and return the cars. This is surprising since we have relied on his listening skills on all occasions and they have been consistently great! The situation quickly escalates and he is crying. I notice that Sylvia is getting frustrated and embarrassed and makes a gesture to take them from him.

Normally we do not interfere between a parent and a child. Jonah has been a really good listener and his mom and dad have both shown a commitment to be responsible parents. However, this appears to be a teaching moment for both Sylvia and Jonah.

Jonah is asked to go to the door (our calm down location) until he stops crying and we can communicate with him. I share with Sylvia that when Jonah challenges her requests, she needs to stay calm, on message, and not lose sight of her goal.

Fortunately he is not defying me and she is able to witness how important it is to stick to the specific request that he return the cars before leaving the day care.

After five minutes of both allowing Jonah time to evaluate the request and decide whether he wants to comply, he finally takes a positive action and returns the cars to the drawer.

We thank him for being such a good listener and remind him he will be able to play with them again when he returns to daycare the following day. We have been rewarded every day since this incident when Jonah carefully returns the cars to the drawer, often without being reminded.

Do Not

1. Expect that teaching your child to listen will be a one-time lesson. This is a work in progresses and will require periodic updates.

2. Give up, get frustrated, be embarrassed since you may be in a public place.

3. Ever tell your child you will leave without them! This would cross a line threatening your child with abandonment.


1. Thank your child for being such a good listener and following your directives.

2. Believe you are doing the right thing for your child. You will need this relationship for the rest of your parenting life.

3. Understand that there will be occasions when your child’s need will be greater than their desire to please you.

Good luck!

No comments:

Post a Comment