Tattling! The Challenge Of Managing This Natural Behavior For Positive Results!

Susan is a sweet, bright child who has accelerated the habit of tattling on her friends. Because she believes this habit brings attention her way, she has expanded the use of the technique.

It now includes what she perceives as breaking the rules by one of her friends, even though she is not involved in the process. She also has become skilled at remembering all the days’ incidents and reporting them at home.

This last situation is really concerning because her report is often exaggerated or incorrect and we usually don’t hear about it until it is too late to make a correction.

It is a very common tendency to tattle because it often gives the tattler power and attention. Usually they discover this reward by accident but are pleased by it.

The most common reactions to the tattler by the other children in the group (such as our daycare) are anger, resentment, and often isolation of the tattler.

The reaction at home is often complete trust and belief that what they are hearing is 100% correct and the child can be given sympathy and support tat may not be justified. This seem to only accelerate the tattlers behavior.

This is how we handle this situation at our daycare.

-Children can only report what has happened to them personally.

-Then they are totally supported.

-The only time they may report on someone else is when that person was physically or verbally hurt and they are not verbally skilled.

-If the incident happened to a child who is still not verbally skilled, we will verify with another child who was close to the incident.

-No one can report on an incident that occurred between two verbal children.

-If the report is confusing with no evidence then we may inquire an observer.

For Parents

-When you child is reporting that they are being mistreated at daycare, the first action should be to talk to the teacher.

-When you are inquiring about your child’s day at daycare, stay focused on that. Tell your child you do not want a report on anyone else.

-When your child is repeatedly reporting the same child causing the problem, you should inquire what action is being taken to correct the aggressive behavior.

-If there are any offenses by your child it is a kind and thoughtful gesture to apologize to the other child’s parents.

-If you notice at social events such as birthday parties that you child is being ignored or isolated, this could mean they are seen as a tattle and are not welcome to participate.

-You want to be supportive of your child but be cautious about your reaction and the amount of attention your child is getting or demanding from this. This behavior could be triggered by the need for attention.

This is a challenging situation for all parents, whether your child is on the cause or effect side.

Make sure you are getting all the information and be clear that your goal is to resolve the problem on both sides.

This tendency can easily become a permanent habit that will negatively affect your child’s relationships!

Keep a balanced approach!

Good luck!