Every parent we have ever met wants to have a smart child and be a smart parent. Raising a child is the most important responsibility anyone will ever have and can provide the most pleasure and reward.

SMART PARENT/SMART CHILD is the revolutionary philosophy that all children are incredibly intelligent from the moment they are born. When parents have learned understanding, respect, highly developed communication and relationship skills and development related expertise, it is amazing what a child can accomplish and, in fact, each child will achieve his maximum potential.

Our mission is to help you achieve that goal. The key to a child's education and success is a skilled, knowledgeable, informed and educated parent.

This blog addresses specific issues, to really be the best parent possible the book is a must!

Friday, November 18, 2016

The Success Parents Achieve When Values and Behavior Standards Are Clearly Communicated and Positive Results Are Expected 100% Of The Time!

Sam and Darya are constantly expressing frustration with their son Damon. He is consistently breaking rules, ignoring their requests, crying to get his way, stalling, and controlling the entire food process. In the final case, requesting something special and then not eating it or disliking most of the food being served or playing with it.

His latest tactic is to hit them when he is angry or displeased with what they are expecting.

They are at their wit’s end and request an evaluation.

I suggest spending an afternoon together at their home so I can assess the situation and provide some guidelines.

Within an hour, I can tell what many of the issues are, but I decide to “Tough it out” for the entire afternoon so I can better determine what he might be doing just for my benefit versus what is close to the norm in their relationship.

It is clear, almost from the beginning that Sam and Darya are inconsistent, unclear, lack agreement, bribe, give Damon too much power, undermine each other and generally are allowing Damon to run the show.

The parents and I have a meeting the following day. Initially we review our time together and they begin to acknowledge that they have never really understood and agreed on their role and what they expect from Damon. Somehow they felt it was not going to be that hard to raise a child and they would figure things out as they occurred.

I reminded them that parenting is the most important and demanding role a person can have. They were both successful in their professional careers and thought it would be easy to handle this.

I made them aware that they had committed years of their lives to being educated for success in their chosen profession, but not one minute to be educated to be a successful parent.

Their first assignment was to define the values and behavior standards that they wanted for Damon. 

They had to commit to whatever time and follow-up sessions necessary with me until they were in agreement.

Following that, we met to list those areas they agreed on and have further discussions until their disagreements were resolved.

They finally agreed on:

Values of:

Behavior Standards in:
-Self confidence

They agreed to:

-Never contradict each other in front of Damon.

-Whichever parent initiated a correction, completed it without interference.

-Never say anything they did not mean.

-Always follow up on what they request or expect.

-Never make a  promise if they were unsure they could keep it.

-Always be open to listening, no matter what was being said.

-Always tell the truth and communicate pertinent information.
-Respect their intelligence.

-Always be on the same page. From your child’s perspective they have two bosses. How would you feel if you reported to two superiors who did not agree and never rewarded or reprimanded for the same time?

I often think a reasonable comparison is to evaluate what your needs are in a meaningful relationship and realize that this is your most important relationship ever!

It has now been three months since we initiated this plan and Sam and Darya are amazed at the change in Damon.

They are still challenged at times to remain on track, but they are seeing measurable changes and rewards for everyone.

He has stopped hitting, mealtimes have now become pleasant and a time they look forward to.

Everything is still not a habit and they have to stop themselves from speaking without thinking but it is getting easier and way more enjoyable.

New challenges will come up as Damon grows and tries to push some more boundaries. But they trust themselves more and know I am always available for a refresher and update.

This relationship is the most important one they will ever have, which is true for every parent.

Good luck!

No comments:

Post a Comment