We have found over the years that children who are having
difficulty with the parent/child relationship at home will begin showing signs
of their frustration, resistance, and anger during their time at day care.
Their motive is to get our attention and help so we can correct the conditions
that are causing the problems.
Consequently, when we see an extreme change in a child’s
behavior toward their teachers and friends, i.e. not listening, hitting,
throwing toys, knocking down other children’s project, kicking, biting ect. In
all cases these were new behaviors for the particular child and usually a cry
for help.
Every situation is a little different, but one recently
reflected on circumstances that we have frequently experienced.
Sylvia was 2 and a half when we noticed a dramatic change in
her behavior. We were aware that there were major changes in her home
experience. She not only was seeing her parents less, having more baby sitters
in her life, and in generally usually found herself eating meals alone.
At the same time, she was behaving aggressively at day care,
as well as causing physical harm to her friends. We found ourselves often taking
her out of playtime because of her harmful and aggressive behavior.
She showed increase separation anxiety when her parent
dropped her off. This increased measurably over a week’s period until one day
she appeared out of control when her parents were leaving.
At that moment, I realized that what she most needed was a
strong feeling of security and love.
I happened to be sitting on the floor with some other
children. I reached out and took her in my arms and told her that I loved her.
She broke into sobs holding on to me with all her strength.
We remained together in that embrace for an hour before she
was ready to venture away to play with her friends.
Every day for the next week began with us sitting together
and conversation entered the process on the third day. This fact was extremely meaningful
since during her aggressive and difficult stage, she could not communicate
about her feelings at all.
By the end of the second week, she just needed five to ten
minutes to touch base with me, get reassurance, and be ready for her day.
When we evaluate a child’s behavior, it is wise to step back
and understand their world may be leaving them threatened or scared. This
situation dramatically called for an outpouring of love to get her to know she
was important, wanted and loved no matter what.
We are always reminded to never leave you child without a
hug and a verbal reminder of your love.
Fortunately, the parents were able to modify their work
schedule and spend more quality time with her.
This was big doses of love that set everyone back on the right
track, especially Sylvia!
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