Once your child comes into your life you can be overwhelmed by your emotional response and the tasks at hand, including how to figure out your own sleep needs. It is critical you address these issues even before the big day, or better yet, before your decision is made to have a child.
1.Where is my child going to sleep?
a.Ideally, they should have their own room in close proximity to yours.
b.If you do not think you will be ready to be separated so soon, then a bassinet kept in your bedroom is a good option. We recommend that you identify a specific space, separated by a screen. That way you are acknowledging that they are their own person and will eliminate the responsibility of deciding when the separation should happen. It is best to do so at the beginning before your child realizes you are in the same room.
2.Who takes care of your child and when?
Ideally, both parents should share equally in the responsibilities. In the case of most of our families, both parents have taken parental leave from work. Not only should your child be familiar with both of you, but it also reduced the possibility of one parent becoming exhausted with no break. Both of you will be lacking sleep, but that is part of the parenting experience.
Be flexible as the circumstances change. Make sure you are reworking each parent’s role before one of you is unable to cope. As mentioned in an earlier blog, if you are self-employed and working at home, you will need a nanny when you resume your work. Start the search before the child is born.
3.What are the guidelines for your child’s interactions with other people?
This includes family members. You don’t want to have your child isolated, however noone should be allowed to disrupt their sleep pattern or expose them to possible illnesses. Be firm! Socialization should be carefully monitored for the first six months.
4.Where do you go for advice?
Do not rely on your friends for parenting advice. Sorry! They are probably not experts. Research available professional advice that makes sense to you. We have had so many situations where action should have been taken for problems with behavior or developmental issues before we were involved. When we followed up, there were instance of poor advice from family and friends. Even your pediatrician may not be an expert in emotional and developmental areas. Ask for a referral. If you have already read Smart Parent/Smart Child, you would be wise to do so, it will help you make the right decisions.
5.If you are nursing, how will the other parent fit into that feeding schedule?
It is wise to have both parents be an active participant in the feeding process. The mom can begin pumping sometime in the first month so the other parent can be an active participant. This involvement will also have a positive impact on the bonding relationship.
6.What values and behaviors are important to us and must be part of our child’s life?
This is a big deal! It must be discussed and agree on before or at least in the early months of your child’s life.
This topic may require a lot of discussion. Most of our parents are from very different cultures and have had very different experiences.
Discuss until you agree! Your child cannot grow and mature with parents who constantly are giving conflicting messages. Be consistent! If a mistake occurs, do not undermine your partner in front of the child. Make this guarantee to each other from the beginning!
7.How can I have a proactive approach to managing my responsibilities?
a.Sleep every chance you can. An infant’s nap should be a parent’s nap.
b.Pass on social events that will interfere with your rest schedule. You will have plenty of
opportunities when your child is older. These guidelines are particularly important for the first year.
c.Have as many of your necessary purchases delivered as possible. Shopping almost always takes longer than planned. If it happens frequently, then your child will find themselves in a car seat too often and for too long a time. This may cause them to rely on motion to fall asleep. You do not want this to happen. Since it can also interfere with their gross motor skill development. It probably sounds exaggerated, but occurs more frequently than you may think.
I’m sure we will be communicating about these issues again! It is an ongoing challenge! Enjoy every moment of these early months.
Good Luck!
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