Question: Where should our child sleep?
Answer: In their own bed!
Some of the scenarios we have experienced:
1. Peter was finally sleeping through the night, but he was waking up at 6am. After weeks of this pattern, both the mom and dad were exhausted and when one day he woke up at 5:30am, the mom decided to bring him into their bed. She didn’t think she could get through another day she was so tired.
By the next week, he was no longer sleeping through the night and instead was waking up between 3 and 4 am and screaming to come into their bed.
Making matters worse, neither parent was able to fall asleep again after the disturbance. This made the situation worse than it ever was.
2. Stephen caught a really bad cold and was having a hard time sleeping. The parents decided to have him sleep in their bed so they could be aware of his condition throughout the night. He has now been back to normal for a week and will no longer go to sleep in his own bed.
3. Molly and tom thought it would be the right thing for everyone that their newborn, Sylvia, share their bed from the beginning.
Initially, it seemed ideal. Molly could nurse her as needed without getting out of bed.
As time went on, they realized they were never getting a good night’s sleep and had given up any opportunity for a private moment.
When they decided to move her into her own crib at six months, she was having a very difficult time and woke up at the slightest sound. Now instead of enjoying her, they were constantly arguing about how to correct the situation and get some rest and privacy.
These were just a few of the situations that we were hearing about and being called on to fix.
Our recommendations that led to success:
Your child should have their own sleeping space from the beginning. It can be a bassinet that is in your room and it should be separated from your bed by a screen. This way they know from the beginning that it is important to be treated as an individual.
As they grow, they need to be moved to a larger space such as a crib and ideally into their own room. If that is not an option, have them in your room in an alcove or as far away as possible. Still make use of a screen or any other efficient barrier. Treat this as though it is a separate space, and if they are still using the accommodation going into their second year, give the location its own identity name “your room”.
Make sure, at any age, there are no toys in their bed. It is strictly for sleeping! Sometimes, an appropriate mobile will attract their attention upon waking and allow them to be fully awake before calling for you.
Now let’s talk about solutions for the earlier case studies.
Firstly, it is critical that both parents agree on any strategy presented to fix or prevent any of these situations from occurring or continuing.
Being in agreement is critical to your success as a parent, even, or especially, when some situations are more demanding than others.
Case 1
You will understand after two or three days that your child is fine and really doesn’t need attention at this hour.
1. Make sure they have had a “full feed” at dinner time so hunger is not waking them up.
2. If they are somewhere around 9 to 12 months, offering them a bottle or nursing before you go to bed can be a solution.
3. If they don’t seem hungry at that hour, then don’t continue that strategy and realize their behavior is simply a habit. Tell them before you put them to bed that you are not coming in to see them while it is dark. Then do that! Do not go back on your word! Or the situation will get worse.
4. Tough it out and do not go to them until 6:30am or 7am which is reasonable. Make a point of telling them that this is going to be the routine. They may not understand every word, but will understand your tone and your actions.
Case 2
Your child is most likely to have some form of illness in their first 18 months which will be serious enough to warrant some monitoring during the night.
1. Invest in a bed, air bed, or sleeping back to be utilized by a parent if constant monitoring is necessary.
2. If they are already in a bed do not sleep with them.
3. Continue this until you are no longer anxious about their condition.
4. Once that happens, make sure you tell them they are well now and you are going to go back to your own bed.
5. This will make your transition back to your own bed easier.
Case 3
The solution for this case calls under our suggestions on how to plan your child’s sleep from the beginning.
It is a well known belief that if your child sleeps and eats well that a parent can handle anything in between!
Good Luck!
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