Crying!

Crying? Is it a sign that your child is seriously hurt? Very sad? Or is it a constant style of communication that is utilized to get their way because it works?

Case One

-Phillip cries when he requests breakfast at our daycare and that request is denied because it is too late, almost snack time!

-He cried when he has to return a toy that he grabbed from a friend!

-He cried when he is required to clean up his toys prior to work time!

-He cries when a child has a truck he wants and the other child refuses to give it to him.

One day he but another child and was taken out of playtime and required to stand at the green door (our designated area). He cried forever, finally stopped and stated, “I am done crying and I want to go and play.” Our response was, “You are there because you bit William, not because you are crying.” There was a pause and then the following statement was made, “Well then I am going to cry again.” Proof that he was crying to manipulate the situation and get his way.

Case Two

-Evan cries for everything: When he can’t put his jacket on himself, when he can’t take it off, when a friend will not play with him even though they are already involved in a play group.

-When he says he can’t write his name even though he has been writing it for months.

-When he can’t remember what day it is.

-When he deliberately crashes into a playmate while riding a bike even though the child that was hit is fine and does not say a word.

Case Three

-Erika cries when the parent she was not expecting arrives to pick her up from daycare.

-She cried when she can’t find the toy she wants i.e. animal in the duplo box, a specific pony, a certain small dinosaur.

-She cries when she can’t have the bicycle she wants during outside playtime.

-She cries when another child gets to her favorite chair before she does.

Strategy

What is challenging for us is that any child’s behavior that works at home is brought to daycare. It is not the reverse.

In every instance, it required a daily commitment on our part to help each of these children understand that “Crying to get your way” does not work at the daycare.

Every child’s experience was different, but as they mature, they fully understand that in every one of the examples we shared. It required them to communicate, negotiate, and realize that in many instances they were not going to get what they wanted, and either had to accept and alternative or possibly nothing.

Understandably, the older the child, the more challenging it was. Even though we were communicating with the parents on a daily basis regarding the process, in some cases, the parents were still giving in.

In all cases, the child was always angry at the inconsistency and betrayal!

These challenges may take longer to correct because crying has worked for them, probably for their whole life! Trust me! They will change when they know and realize you are firm and consistent.

Obviously when they are really hurt or very sad, be specific with them why you are sympathetic.

Teachers in elementary school are experiences a high percentage of children who still use this approach to communicate and get their way. Be specific with them and identify every circumstance where they are using the crying solution!

When this approach works, and it does, it allows your time together to be more positive and establishes an environment and relationship for your child to be a better communicator, more mature, and responsible for their actions.

Good luck!