We have always believed and still practice that toilet training is the child’s responsibility and decision.
This is the last significant function that a child must understand, show interest in, review the steps of the process, and make a clear choice communicating that they are ready to complete.
This is particularly true when the child is a verbal, independent, strong willed personality, which most of our children are.
At any number of stages in their development, parents will inquire when they are going to be toilet trained. Our answer is always the same: it will happen when the child says they are ready.
There are several reasons for that answer.
1.It is a body function that only the child can handle. Neither parent nor any adult can influence or control it.
2.It is the last function that ends any baby or toddler experience.
3.It can be turned into a “get even” weapon if the child chooses when they are angry, stressed or displeased with treatment they are getting.
4.When approached positively, it is a confidence building accomplishment preparing them for their preschool challenges.
5.It supports independence and pride.
Considering all this, Victor and Angela were always inquiring from us when their daughter Priscilla was going to be toilet trained. They share every incident when she would successfully use the toilet at home and couldn’t understand why we were not following up at the daycare.
We constantly assured them that the subject was often discussed and choices were offered to any appropriate age or child that expressed interest at the daycare. Sometimes this was on a daily basis.
We would give them the choice of lining up with the children who were using the toilet, either prior to outside playtime or nap time. This was instead of waiting with younger children to have their diaper changed.
Priscilla always refused that option.
Unexpectedly. one day her best friend Anne, who was several month younger, requested to line up to use the toilet.
We were pleasantly surprised, not only at her request but at the success she had for the rest of the day and the following day after we had put training underwear on her instead of a diaper.
There are some important rewards for this last big responsibility when it is accomplished. A child receives a larger drinking glass (color of their choice), new eating utensils and, best of all, the right to enjoy the large slide with the tree house attached.
Priscilla observed this major change for two days. Not only was her best friend hardly playing with her, but she only had toddlers left to play with.
She tolerated this situation for two days, and on the third day, when everyone lined up to use the toilet, she announced that she was ready to be there too.
She was instantly successful for the first day with no accidents and a confident approach.
Like all the children who are expected to make the choice and decision to be toilet trained, she has taken the responsibility seriously. Using the toilet never becomes an issue since it was the child’s choice and therefore there is no anxiety or stress about it.
Her parents instantly became believers in our approach and not only thanked us, praised Priscilla, but were able to totally relax and trust her to handle all her bathroom needs no matter what was happening, including travel and social events.
I hope this case study helps all of you who are dealing with this very important milestone in your family’s life.
Good luck!
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