How to find the feeding rhythm of your newborn

A post by Cynthia Anka

Depending upon where you choose to give birth to your child, the care given by the hospital staff may vary. In most hospitals, it is the norm that your child is brought to you every three hours for a feed. This will change when your hospital visit ends.

The feeding rhythm is a little different for each child and each birth experience. During the first couple of days, one of two patterns will occur. Either they will eat every 2-3 hours or they will eat with occasional long sleep stretches.

Many of the families I have worked with have shared how different it all becomes upon arriving home. Yes indeed.

Your child is still recovering and adjusting and now has to acclimate to another new environment.

This is when newborns begin to establish their individual sleeping and feeding rhythms.

The following is a general guideline  that parents can work with.

-Every 2 hours for the first week.

-Every 2-3 hours the second to third week.

-Every 4 hours from the first month on.

Their are many variables that will change the above to less or more such as birth weight, genetic build, medical complications, etc.

Feedings usually last one hour to one and half hours. Upon waking, your infant will eat for about 20 minutes. If breast feeding, the feed will be on both sides. Next, take a break and hold them for a few minutes and then burp. Now, you will change the diaper as they usually go to the bathroom while eating. Next get them settled for sleep by dimming the light and topping off the feed. Splitting the feed In half allows time for digestion in order to consume the rest of the feed to satiate. Your child will fall into deep sleep. Hold and burp for a few minutes and then place onto bed for sleep.

By allowing your child to communicate to you when he/she is hungry, the feeding rhythm will happen naturally and your child will eat and grow as they should.

Awesome Parenting!

As I am checking out of a supermarket I overhear the following conversation.

Boy (5/6 years old): “Mom, can I have this?” as he holds up a bag of Skittles.

Mom: “I don’t think so. If you had had an awesome morning I might think about it, but you didn’t.”

Boy: “I’ll have one now”

Mom: “It’s already one o’clock, it’s too late for any awesomeness, sorry.”

The boy returns the package to the rack without a word and the mom exchanges several comments with a friend at the next checkout. The friend then leaves with, “So long! Great Family. See you later!”

My Observations:

There was also a dad and sister (8 or 9 years old) but neither made any comment. The tone was friendly and warm but firm.

I immediately concluded:

-This family understands that there are behavior standards and values that are lived by.

-The parents are in agreement and consistent, hence why the boy did not beg or whine or act out.

-The girl did not speak out either because she respects her parents’ role.

-The comment by the friend tells me this is how they interact and behave all the time. Hence their 

label of “Great family”.

What a heartwarming moment it was for me!

Every time there are parents who are in total agreement on behavior standards, values and are 100% consistent, this is the result. I would hope it is everyone’s goal!

Congratulations to this family and everyone like them!

   

The Importance of Keeping a Cool Head No Matter What and Keeping Out The Guilt Factor!

Peter, Stephanie’s dad, informs us that she will be arriving the next day in a “party type dress” he will be taking her to a “holiday style party” hosted by a client of his. We conclude that this is a very important event for him. Stephanie is super excited because the event includes a performance by a children’s dance group.

When Stephanie’s mom picks her up that evening, we have the unfortunate responsibility to inform her that Stephanie not only had a difficult day, but that she also bit two of her friends during outside playtime.

Her mom’s immediate comment is that Peter will be incredibly upset to hear this news since he places biting at the top of his list of unacceptable behavior.

Stephanie arrives the next day in her regular play cloths and Peter informs us that he is not picking her up early as he has decided that Stephanie will not attend the party.

Needless to say, we are more than surprised when Peter arrives early evening with Stephanie’s party cloths and tell her to hurry and put them on or they will be late.

A standoff occurs when Stephanie refuses to put on the party cloths and her dad begins putting them on for her while she is resisting and crying.

He struggles with her for what seems forever, and finally succeeds in getting her dressed.

By the time they leave the daycare, Stephanie is screaming and her dad is frustrated, exhausted and bewildered.

We find out the next day that he had reacted very angrily to the news that Stephanie had bitten her friends. In the moment, he told her she would not be going to the party as her punishment.

This incident was somewhat complex because:
1. It involved a professional relationship for the dad.
2. Behavior that ranked highly unacceptable.
3. A punishment that was difficult to carry out since he would need some explanation for his daughter’s absence.
4. The punishment solution really went against his better judgment when he thought about it. He felt guilty about having taken that action.

Do Not
-Even make a decision driven by anger. Take a break and arrive at a plan that you feel will support your values and be a teaching opportunity.

-Play the guilt card more than once. When you make hasty decisions that you rescind, you diminish your credibility if that style becomes a pattern.

-Become physically or verbally abusive. You can never take that back.

Do
-Apologize and explain your change of decision if that is the case.

-Understand that on occasion you will have to make decisions in complex situations. Think them through! They can be invaluable teaching moments.

Love, trust, and credibility are the basis for a strong relationship with your child. You will be tested all the time!

Make sure your words and actions support your values all the time so your child gets a clear message of what is expected!

Good luck!

Bringing Your Newborn Home

A Post by Cynthia Anka

Congratulations to the proud parents! Whether it is your first or your fifth, the awe, thrill, excitement and nervousness is the same. A new life has been born and becomes a real person and a part of you as a family. Cherish this moment as it is the beginning of so many special moments ahead.

The first two weeks are a mixed-bag of emotions. Fatigue, recovery, wonder, focus, puzzlement and adjustment. My most important words of advice that I want to share are to take this time for you, your baby and your family. 

- Eat and sleep on the same rhythm as your newborn.

- Give the same attention to your needs as your newborn's. 

- Eat, sleep and drink fluids! 

- Don't worry about the laundry and the household chores.

- Leave the techno outside the door.

This is your time to recover and relax. This is your time to bond with this new person and get to know each other. It is a time for reassurance. Your newborn is discovering the new world outside. It is the time for learning how to "talk" and get needs met. The first two weeks are recovery for them as well. Now it is important to gain weight and learn the feeding/sleeping rhythm.

I do understand that there may be circumstances that could hinder this happening perfectly. I also know that families and friends like to come and visit and wish you well and see your child. I strongly urge you to keep this to a minimum and very low key. It is exhausting and distracting for you and your family. However, these visitors can be of help to you. Helping around the house, making sure you have healthy meals prepared and ready to eat, or helping with the other children would be all amazing ways to give you the support you would need during this time. 

Each child has his/her own body rhythm. Each child KNOWS his/her own body rhythm. Sleep will be continuous. There is no real awake time (for the first 3 months). Sleep and being fully satiated are the two key factors to healthy growth.

The average is as follows:

- 2oz (60cc) every 2-2.5 hours (may sleep longer if needed. will wake when hungry) for the first 2 weeks

- 3oz (90cc) every 3-4  hours for 2-3 weeks

- 4oz (120cc) every 3.5-4+ hours for 3-4 weeks

After the first 2 weeks, you should be feeling more like yourself again (EXCEPT FOR NOT SLEEPING AS MUCH OF COURSE). You can now get up and around more. Do remember that you still need to do all of the above because you will be waking around the clock for a little while and want to stay healthy and give your child the very best you can.

Coping Skills Required!

Can your child cope with the challenges of elementary school?

Some examples we have seen recently of lack of coping skills:

1. David (Four and a half) attends a reunion party at our day care and is carried for the first hour because he is “shy”.

2. Beth gets a small sliver in her finger. When it is safely and easily removed by her teacher, she says she cannot play anymore, her finger hurts too much to play and to call her mom to go home.

3. Mariam arrives at daycare with Band-Aids on both arms. When we inquire what could have happened, she says her arms hurt. We find out nothing specific happened, but she wanted to stay home so her dad appeased her with Band-Aids.

4. Jake is four, but still cries if anyone touches him no matter how slightly. We notice when his mom is here and this behavior is displayed, she sympathizes and promises him a treat on the way home.

5. Melinda joined our day care when she was three and a half. Academically, she lacks skills but more importantly, she has no pride of achievement. No matter how little effort she puts into her assignment, or how sloppy the results are, her parents praise her and give her a star. They never share ideas or ways she could use to improve her skills. As a result, she have very little motivation to improve her performance.

One of the most important responsibilities of a parent is to prepare their child to successfully cope with the conditions and expectations they will encounter as they grow and have move experiences outside the home on their own. You want your child to be confident, assertive, challenged and self motivated.

Do

-Give them more responsibilities at home as you are preparing them to be more accountable.

-Pay constant attention to their social skills and follow up immediately with examples and solutions when they did not successfully handle a challenge.

-Always praise them for their effort, and only refer to the results as “Excellent” when they actually are.

-Be open to exposing them to social or educational situations where they will be on their own and not always bringing along a friend. They should be expected to interact without your assistance.

-Become an expert at knowing when they are faking an illness in order to stay at home. If this becomes a habit, investigate what is really happening and resolve that!    

-Make sure they are on a nutritious diet with adequate sleep.

Do not
-Reward them for every accomplishment. This is a maturing process and the achievement should be the reward.

-Compare them to a sibling, a friend, or a classmate. This experience revolves solely around how well THEY handle it.

Remember, you are influencing and preparing them for the road they will travel for the rest of their life!

Good luck!

Never Underestimate The Skill Level or Mental Ability Of Your Child!

Some amazing occurrences at our day care:

1. A three and a half year old rides a two wheeler without training wheel.

2. A fourteen month old gets her own Duplo board and builds more complete projects every day. Her best yet is twenty five pieces.

3. A three year old and a four year old sit across from each other and complete a one hundred piece puzzle, each working on one half of the puzzle and then joining it. Completely their idea! 

4.Two four year olds learn all the parts of the human body; skeletal, respiratory, digestive, and circulatory systems from large colorful posters and are so proud when they can transfer that information to what’s happening to them.

5. A group of four to four and a half year olds painted the globe on a yoga ball (I called on my grandson to outline the countries to scale for them). They were responsible to work from a regular map to find the name and color of each country. The result is hanging proudly in the daycare.

6. A seventeen month old invites himself into the phonics class and now knows the sound for half of the alphabet letters.

When I first opened my daycare I never imagined that a broad group of children from different family experiences could accomplish an infinite list of amazing achievements. I did not screen children, but I did select parents who agreed with my philosophy that children were incredibly intelligent from the day they were born, and when you live that belief, the child never set limits on themselves.

This approach will be much more successful if your child has clearly defined behavioral boundaries and well defined rules that they are expected to follow all the time. You will be giving them more freedom and decision making, which will be more successful when they understand clear behavioral expectations.

We always made sure we had a very stimulating environment, encouraged each child to accomplish challenging goals, and supported interests they had that seemed very advanced. There was often a lot of work involved on everyone’s part. We continually shared that “having to work hard” was a good thing, and we should not believe that accomplishments should be easy.

They Key is:

1. Get to know your child very well. Applaud their accomplishments that come easy and encourage those that require more effort.  

2. Whenever they were setting a goal that jumped too many steps, we identified some interim challenge that they could accomplish along the way.

3. We never say “you can’t” but instead “let’s try it this way first.”

4. Our day care allows for all age groups to be exposed to the same information and challenges. Some toys or programs that we originally designed for four and five year olds are now being accomplished by two a half and three year olds. It never occurs to the younger children that what they are accomplishing is exceptional.

5. Watch and listen for signs of disinterest or visible boredom. They are both red flags that you need to provide your child with more opportunities and challenges.

6. They always have a lot of decision making opportunities and freedom of choice throughout the day. A really important component!

Parents or visitors who bring their child to the daycare a little later in the morning are typically amazed at the energy levels in the rooms, the skilled communication levels, and the responsibility the children having i.e. during free play time, to challenge themselves.

If there is no organized group in your area that provides this environment, apply it to your child alone or with friends who have similar values. You will still have an amazing result!

Contact us if you need help or reassurance, and also tell us about your success and challenges! We would love to hear from you! Info@SmartParentSmartChild.com

Good luck! 

The Life Changing Commitment For 2016!

We have a holiday get together every year at my daycare, and it is always heartwarming and exciting to have so many alumni and their families join us.

This year was especially meaningful since at one moment in the festivities there were six former students who are now in college.

One of my moms brought this to my attention and before I could move to join them, one of them turned and called to me.

They wanted to share part of a conversation they were having. There was consensus that having been in my day care had truly changed their lives. They each wondered where they would be if they had not had this experience.

They agreed that the experience had given them a great deal of confidence that they could achieve whatever they set out to do.

They had all felt loved and respected for who they were, with emphasis on their intelligence. They commented on how respectfully they were treated, the high standards expected of them and the message that they could achieve any goal they set for themselves.

I was truly blown away by their unwavering belief that their current successes came from their early experiences.

I have never started any year with a list of resolutions, but instead, when I believe in a philosophy, I adopt it for life. I think this approach can work for everyone.

For all of you, I hope your experience of reading my blog and possibly also reading my parenting book, has given you the knowledge that the most important gift you can give your child, not just for next year, but for life, is self-confidence, great coping skills, clear boundaries and guidelines, and a belief in their intelligence and ability to accomplish whatever they set out to do!

That is the most important gift you can give them!

I missed talking to you and am delighted to be back!

Happy and healthy 2016!