What Approach Do We Take To Minimize Any Anxiety Our Son May Have After His Sister Is Born?

Fortunately John and Eliana wanted to ensure that their two and a half year old son, Jaden, would not only be prepared and welcoming for his sister, but that he would feel involved in the process from the beginning.

They informed him as soon as the pregnancy was considered safe, which is probably ideal timing for any announcement. 

We shared our guidelines for Jaden’s education, involvement, and responsibility. 

Do

-Use a current calendar or purchase a special one and mark important milestones as they occur. Jaden requested a special one which they named the “Lucia Calendar”, after his sister’s chosen name.

-Use all the correct language when describing any milestone in the process. This is not only because it is the correct thing to do, but also because he will be overhearing comments and conversations. You want him to feel informed and connected. Always answer honestly and without including unnecessary detail. 

-Respond to any question or request Jaden may make. He became fascinated with the knowledge that his mom was eating for herself and his sister. So he suggested that she have two plates, bowls or any other appropriate utensil. One he called the mom dish and the other was called the Lucia dish.

-Have him involved in clothing and furniture purchases including bedding.

-Share any ultrasound pictures with him. Some of our parents have taken their children to the actual procedure, a choice that also depends on the physician involved.

-Before Lucia was born and brought home, assign Jaden some responsibilities. Examples are: getting diapers and wipes, assisting at bath time with powder and fresh clothing. 

-Advise him of where she is going to sleep. This is especially important if she is going to share the parents’ room at the beginning. Hopefully that is for a specific time.

-There was a possibility she would be sharing his room in a few months, so this was discussed and clarified that they would designate a specific area so that he would not be moved totally out of his space.  

-Make sure he knows what arrangements are in place when you go to the hospital or wherever the birthing is occurring.

-Have him visit as soon as possible if he is allowed to be with her that is the best approach.

-Schedule special time between mom and Jaden even in the first week after Lucia’s birth so he never feels neglected.

-Request that family and friends ask him about his activities before they talk about the new baby. He is a unique person first, not only a big brother.

We are really please about how positive Jaden feels about Lucia. She was moved into Jaden’s room at five months and he could not have been happier or prouder.

There were a lot of milestones in their first year together, but John and Eliana had created such a honest and warm environment that some major steps went very smoothly. I.e. the few times she woke him up too early, they were able to resolve with an earlier nap for him.

At nineteen months, he still adores her and we are continually communicating so we stay ahead as new developments occur.

Everyone is pretty satisfied that they have come this far so successfully. Part of that success was respecting Jason’s role throughout the process.

We hope everyone reading this has a similar result!