Every parent we have ever met wants to have a smart child and be a smart parent. Raising a child is the most important responsibility anyone will ever have and can provide the most pleasure and reward.

SMART PARENT/SMART CHILD is the revolutionary philosophy that all children are incredibly intelligent from the moment they are born. When parents have learned understanding, respect, highly developed communication and relationship skills and development related expertise, it is amazing what a child can accomplish and, in fact, each child will achieve his maximum potential.

Our mission is to help you achieve that goal. The key to a child's education and success is a skilled, knowledgeable, informed and educated parent.

This blog addresses specific issues, to really be the best parent possible the book is a must!

Friday, May 13, 2016

The Power Of “No”!!! The Importance And Wisdom Of Using It Wisely!

Elias joined our daycare when he was three years old. We noticed when he visited with Ellen, his mom, that he appeared to be very much in charge of their relationship, was very demanding, and usually cried when he did not get his way. He was also responding negatively when Ellen even hesitantly requested anything of him. There would always be a resounding NO from him.

Why did we consider accepting him? Primarily because they were good friends of one of our families, stated that they desperately needed help, and finally begged us! Actually this was not the greatest challenge we have ever had and this is essentially our commitment to families.

We are experienced enough to realize that the older the child, the more challenging it is to have a positive influence on that child’s behavior and their relationships.

Initially we enjoyed more of Elias’ sweeter side and were pleased that he had good communication skills. However, he quickly began demanding help with all of his tasks, displayed poorly developed play skills, a low level of concentration and a short attention span. In short he was immature for his age.

But what stood out above all those challenges was his mastery of the word “NO”! He not only used it when any directive or situation displeased him, but he did the exact opposite i.e. ignored the word when it was used by anyone else, teacher or playmate.

This interest in the word “no” is quite common in the eighteen to twenty four month old development cycle and is relatively easy to control and not become un-managed. But by the age of three, Elias had taken complete control of it.

The Plan

1. It was critical that Ellen was coached and updated on a daily basis.

2. She immediately had to stop using the word “no” when not following up on it.

3. She had to be firm and not give in to him when he said it.

4. She had to be 100% consistent.

5. She had to handle any crying outburst calmly, remove Elias from the social environment until he was calm, and then repeat the request that was communicated to him.

The Result

1. His tendency to automatically respond with a “no” is still not perfect. Each time it happens he is reminded of the request that was made and is expected to follow through-no exceptions.

2. He is verbally congratulated for every success with a high five and an appropriate phrase.

3. His motivation was to remain in the social activity with his friends.

Elias came to daycare yesterday with flowers. Ellen shared that it was his idea to purchase them while at the super market.

It is not often that we get a thank you gesture from a child! 

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