Amy’s four year old daughter has been invited for a sleepover at her friend’s house and Amy has several concerns and questions whether this is a good idea and whether it can even work.
We share our experiences with her so she can decide to accept this invitation or delay such an opportunity to some later date.
Some important considerations:
1.Has your daughter already had playdates at this friend’s house? How did they work?
2.Do you know the parents well?
3.Are you comfortable with their parenting style?
4.Do you feel that your values are compatible?
The success or failure of this opportunity appears to have very little to do with your child’s maturity.
Instead, what dominate is your child’s reaction to the family dynamic. We have seen children enjoy a sleepover and then begin to have issues with mealtime and bedtime. They observed their friend being allowed to reject the foods served at dinnertime and get something different and special instead. Also the bedtime routine and expectations may be very different and can have a huge influence. We heard of significant problems for the following days.
There is also the probability that your child will not enjoy their normal amount of sleep being allowed to stay up later than usual. Hosting parents have been known to call for the invited child to be picked up because they cannot fall asleep.
The best success seems to be when the home your child is invited to is a very familiar one, the parents have shared and expressed similar philosophies and lifestyle, and are in sync on rules and behavioral expectations. Because of all the variables, we usually advise against it unless your situation is comparable to the last example.
So don’t rush!
When it happens, you want it to be a positive, enjoyable experience with rewards for everyone.
Good luck!
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