What Happens When You Child Does Not Share Your Most Special Interests?

Molly is a wonderful involved mom who had a dream of being a dancer when she was growing up. Unfortunately, her family lived in a small town that only provided basic skills. When she was ready to move to a more challenging level of training, her family was unable to support the cost and the logistics of such a move and she ended up never enjoying any advanced training.

She knew that if she ever had a daughter she would ensure that she have the best and most advanced training possible. Since she now resides in a major city, all the advantages are available.
When she became a mom, she could hardly wait for Stephanie, her daughter, to start walking and she was sure she showed signs of being a natural dancer. The last year of Molly and Stephanie’s lives have had moments of serious strain and almost heart break.

Molly rushes to daycare on the day we have dancing, bringing a special dance dress and shoes and excitedly helps Stephanie change.

For a few months, Stephanie complied to please her mother but then began to exclude herself from the actual dancing for no reason that we could understand.

Molly’s anxiety was evident when she began buying new dresses and shoes for the occasion to entice Stephanie to be involved. The situation has now reached an impasse. When Molly arrives, Stephanie leaves the dance area and sits at the wall.

We discussed the situation with Molly at various intervals to help her understand that it was not that Stephanie wanted to hurt her mom, but because she simply did not enjoy dancing.

It was heart breaking to watch Molly lose her dream twice.

After a month of periodic discussions, Molly is giving Stephanie her own space and beginning to accept that Stephanie is her own person. Together we have discussed that she might want to do a special Saturday morning activity. At the top of the list is a free-form art class that she is joining with her best friend.

She and her mom have begun a new journey of discovery where their goal is enjoyment, expression and new skills. We are all waiting to see where it takes them.

We have always shared the following guidelines with our parents regarding their child’s special interests.

Do
1. Listen to, and observe their behavior when it involves their special areas of interest: creative, athletic, entertainment and educational.

2.Attend one or two events or sessions before signing them up to a schedule of classes.

3. Resist establishing any accomplishment goals.

4. Carefully evaluate the message your child gets. If all participants in any activity gets a trophy, let the experience be the reward.

Do Not
1. Exaggerate and brag about their ability when they are present. The objective should be to develop their confidence and self esteem.

Young childhood is a very special place, let them take it at their own pace! Enjoy!