Listening! The importance of the other side: listening to your child

Cheryl is a happy, bright three year old. She plays well with her friends, mostly follows the rules, can follow instructions during independent academic assignments, and is overall, a great child.

However, when her parents come to pick her up, her speaking tone rises ten decibels so that she never really speaks to them, but is shouting her requests and answers.

This habit is beginning to show up at daycare if she feels the other children are not listening to her or if we do not immediately respond to her requests. She is also using it if she is not getting her way during playtime. Sometimes the sound borders on a screech.

We have seen this before. It seems to happen mostly when parents might be still on a phone call while present to pick up their child, or if a parent (especially the mom) conducts a business at their home, and not surprisingly, we have heard the parents communicate in a harsh, loud, disrespectful tone.

Obviously this child does not feel she is being listen to and has resorted to a style of communication that she believes will get her attention.

It is not surprising that any child will seek whatever level of tone they feel will work for them.

Do
1. Ensure that you are totally available to your child when arriving at daycare. They have not seen you all day and clearly need your undivided attention.

2. Refrain from having confrontational conversations in public or private when your child is present. I know this requires a lot of discipline and a firm agreement between the parents to be mature and respectful.

3. Arrange your work schedule, if you are conducting business from your home, to be completed when your child is present. If there are necessary follow-up activities, schedule them when your child is already in bed.

Do Not
1. Give your child corrective attention when they are screaming. Like crying, they must be calm before any discussion occurs.

2. Ever scream in anger at them. Obviously, they will copy you because they think this is how people communicate.

You always want your relationship to be a productive one. Your role as a parent is to provide the best possible example, to set clear guidelines with respect and to ensure to allow both quantity and quality time without interruptions and distractions.

Good luck!