Every parent we have ever met wants to have a smart child and be a smart parent. Raising a child is the most important responsibility anyone will ever have and can provide the most pleasure and reward.
SMART PARENT/SMART CHILD is the revolutionary philosophy that all children are incredibly intelligent from the moment they are born. When parents have learned understanding, respect, highly developed communication and relationship skills and development related expertise, it is amazing what a child can accomplish and, in fact, each child will achieve his maximum potential.
Friday, July 29, 2016
The Downside Of The Tangible Reward System and The Consequences!
-Mary’s mom gives her a stamp on the tracking board every time she puts her clothes in the hamper, picks up her toys, does not cry when brushing her teeth, stays in her bed etc. When the designated space on the board is filled in, she can purchase a toy of her own choosing with a maximum cost of $25.
-Jeremy can have a lollipop every time he eats his meal, uses the toilet without soiling the floor, does not hit his sister for a day.
-Eric can buy a new lego project if he goes to bed for one week without having a tantrum,. This reward system is expanded as needed.
-Max resists leaving out daycare every evening when his mom arrives. She decides one time to offer him a treat at the ice cream shop on their way home even though he is picked up at 6 pm and dinner will be served shortly after they arrive home. She has realized six months later that she is bribing him with a food treat every time he does not want to follow her request. She not only feels trapped by the situation, but she realizes that it has negatively affected his eating habits at mealtime.
-Cindy shares that she will be given some candy when she is picked up one night if she eats all her lunch.
I could go on with dozens of additional examples because bribing is such a common option for parents when their requests or rules are not being followed.
What happens as a result?
-These children are no longer listening to their parents or following requests that are made.
-The bribes expand and multiply.
-You house begins to look like Toys R Us.
-Sugar becomes a staple of their diet.
-By the age of 6 they will be bargaining for a major purchase and you will have given up your responsibility to set their boundaries, reinforce their values, and generally have an enjoyable, positive relationship with your child.
Don’t let that happen!
Review what you have defined as your child’s boundaries, values and behavior that are important to you!
Both parents need to have a talk with their child together. Have an honest conversation and admit that as a family you have gone off track. Bring them in as partners to help everyone achieve the family’s original goals.
Rewards are acknowledging the accomplishments with verbal praise, high fives, hugs, an additional privilege (if appropriate). The goal is to have a mature, empathetic, socially skilled child.
It will not be easy, but it is possible!