Every parent we have ever met wants to have a smart child and be a smart parent. Raising a child is the most important responsibility anyone will ever have and can provide the most pleasure and reward.

SMART PARENT/SMART CHILD is the revolutionary philosophy that all children are incredibly intelligent from the moment they are born. When parents have learned understanding, respect, highly developed communication and relationship skills and development related expertise, it is amazing what a child can accomplish and, in fact, each child will achieve his maximum potential.

Our mission is to help you achieve that goal. The key to a child's education and success is a skilled, knowledgeable, informed and educated parent.

This blog addresses specific issues, to really be the best parent possible the book is a must!

Friday, April 29, 2016

The Fear Of Abandonment! The experience for any child whose parent has walked away from them in a public place!

Carla is a strong willed child who often is very challenging with either parent when she is picked up from daycare.

Her parents display a different style and seem to have a different relationship with her but she often mentions that neither of them listens to her. Their communication is often confrontational when she is being picked up from daycare.

After a few minutes of either parent’s arrival for pick up, frustration and displeasure will begin to be expressed in some form of threat that they will leave shortly if she does not want to put away her toys and come with them.

We have witnessed this scene repeatedly and so far, they have not applied our suggestions regarding how to communicate positively with her so she will be happy to leave.

This week was the most disturbing incident. After a three to five minute exchange, during which Carla did not stop playing, her dad stated “I am leaving now and you can stay here.”

With this statement he stared up the stairs and apparently walked far enough that he rounded and corner and hid behind a protruding wall so that when Carla left to follow him, thinking he was waiting for her, unlike previous occasions, she rounded the corner and could not see him.

We heard crying and screaming so loud that we rushed out thinking that she had been hurt. We realized instead that she was crying out of fear because she could not see her dad.

Unfortunately this family’s situation had to reach this critical point for the parents to understand their role in their child’s life and correct it.

A parent is their child’s source of survival. It is critical that each parent build their skills so that they are never using threats of any kind to manage their relationship with their child. This is never an option!

We discussed some of the important skills parents need to communicate positively with their child.


-Prioritize listening skills. This is a must!

-Only respond with positive solutions that you mean and follow up with 100% of the time.

-Listen to your child. Especially when you work and leave your child at daycare you are really spending very little time with them. I recommend that from the time they are picked up until bedtime:
No computer work
No business or personal calls
These needs can all wait until they are in bed.

-Always tell them exactly what you expect and what you are going to do. For example:

“Carla, when I come to daycare I really want you to clean up and leave right away. I have really missed you all day. We are going to make dinner together, have a healthy meal, clean up and then spend time together doing something that you can choose. I would love to hear about your day too!”

This obviously can be adapted for each occasion. Let you child choose some of the evening activities so they have involvement in what is waiting for them.

-Whether at daycare or in a different public place, if you have done everything right and they are still not cooperating, tell them you are going to take them by the hand and walk them to the car. You could say, “This is not being a good listening day so I am going to have to help you” There is probably going to be some resistance and crying but be firm and calm. While you are walking you can add “I know tomorrow will be better.”

-Never forget that your child needs to trust your words and actions. Be positive and think before you speak!

Do not:

-Threaten them with any reprisal or punishment in public!

-Step away from them. No distance is acceptable or effective in a positive way!

-Never move out of their sight!

It is heart breaking to know how much her parent’s behavior is hurting Carla.

Remember, every parent is not only responsible for their child’s survival, but the quality of that care will have a lasting effect on your child’s life! Look at our other posts on how to get your child to listen to you!

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